Almost 4 months in and Joe and I have made it to our 2nd season together. I hate to turn into a sap, but things just keep getting better. For instance, Just yesterday I fished off of the bank of the Sandy River by myself. Yes, I went fishing by myself for the very first time. Something I have always wanted to do but lacked the confidence and knowledge, but Joe pulled it out of me. I was texting him all morning about all the things that were happening. I showed up at a fishing hole at 6am ready to be the first one there and then got nervous when a bunch of other cars started pulling up. I had never been to this hole and I was hoping I'd be there early enough to beat the crowd. I realized when I got there that it was so dark I had no idea where I was going and I almost died off a cliff thinking it was a trail. lol. I didn't catch a fish that morning but I definitely learned a few things and hopefully I will keep learning and eventually catch something on my own. But aside from that, I have to toot Joe's horn because even though he had major FOMO that I decided to wake up that morning and fish on my own, he set up my pole for me the night before so I didn't have to stress about tying the knots on my line and he had his ringer on loud so he could be there for me in the morning if I needed him. And then when I got my line all tangled by the end of my stint, I brought my reel to his house the next day and he got it all neat for me again. I also failed to mention that he took me out bank fishing for my first time before this and gave me a bunch of pointers. We have gone fishing together twice now and I can't wait for more! 

And what a fantastic communicator! We make sure to chat on the phone every single night that we don't see each other and usually make it for an hour, sometimes two. This started very early on and I believe that is what has progressed our relationship so quickly. For the first month or two it was almost as if I was seeing 2 different people. Phone Joe, and real life Joe. I felt like I really knew phone Joe, but when we'd meet in person I'd get nervous because it's such a different feeling to be with someone in real life and a bit nerve wracking being so new. But I'm happy to say that both Joe's have finally merged together into a super version! 

And we genuinely have fun together. We took a gummy the other night at McMenamins Grand Lodge and I've never laughed so much with someone in my life. Just a couple of silly gooses that also get to smooch. What a lucky life!

I'm so grateful I've found a partner that is adventurous and patient and kind. And I'm so glad that in spite of myself, I have stuck out some ups and downs only to come out stronger together. I've found someone that wants the same things in life and is willing to put in the same work and effort to make it happen. I don't have much more to say except that I am absolutely in love and hopeful and what more could you ask for? xoxoxo

​

It all started when I went to get back on the dating sites. Once again. Not sure why I keep doing that to myself. I apparently like self-torture. ;) #kink lol. That's when I ran into Joe. And I know that I normally don't post guys names on here and it's usually a nickname, but since I already posted his picture and name to my instagram, it doesn't make sense not to call him that. :) 

Joe and I apparently matched several years ago and had texted a few times and planned on meeting up but timing wasn't on our side. When Joe saw me back on the dating sites, he decided to be bold and go ahead and text me. He prefaced the text "I hope this isn't creepy." lol. Anyhoo, he remembered chatting with me but I don't remember chatting with him. But he had my phone number so I knew he at least made it that far in the process, and said what the heck. Sure, let's meet up. 

We met up on Father's Day (luckily I wasn't super busy that day) and we went out to a coffee shop on Alberta. He lives in deep Beaverton and I live in deep Gresham so that was pretty much half way for us. We had some pretty deep conversations on this date/meetup. We chatted for several hours which also included a walk around the neighborhood afterwards. I didn't feel immediate sparks, and I don't think he did either, but having been through enough online dating, I knew he was a good human, and it wasn't necessarily a F yes, for me at this point, but it wasn't a no either. I was intrigued by his genuineness and tbh, the F yes's for me almost always turn into F boys. My picker is definitely off, so I wanted to go outside my norm and see what Joe was all about. I told him that I'd love to see him again. He paused and hesitated and didn't answer me right away. I said, "No worries if you don't want to. Or you can think about it. No stress either way. I just want to be upfront and say what I hope for." He eventually came around, but not until we chatted later via text. lol. Playing hard to get. Apparently I liked that. :) He tells me that he definitely was interested and not sure why he blanked when I asked him that and thought for sure he answered me yes, but he definitely didn't. And actually I could tell he was a little bit nervous which was pretty cute. I like a confident guy, but also a nice guy and not a cocky guy. And he wasn't the cocky jerk that I tend to be attracted to. 

I told him since our first date was so serious that we would try to have fun only on our next date. And fun we had. He happened to be on a 16 day staycation and had some time to hang out. We normally don't have the same days off, but he had that next weekend off and available so we decided to make plans for Saturday. We started off the morning with a short hike up Powell Butte and then spent the rest of the day on the Sandy River. Now, I felt comfortable enough of letting him come to my place to get ready for the river that day. Honestly, I almost never invite a guy over and I am a home body and like to keep my life private. But I know part of being vulnerable is opening yourself up in ways that might not always be in the comfort zone. So we got ready and brought some bevies and snacks to the river and had an amazing day. All day in the sunshine just chatting, laughing, having a good time. 

At one point I took my liquid courage and I moved in closer and kissed him. I could tell he was a little shocked but the first thing he said was "I'm glad we got that out of the way and that you didn't friend zone me" lol. Which, maybe in the past I would have. He was for sure good friend material. And at this point in my life, I know the value of that, so I had to see if there was something more. And if I had waited too long I very well could have friend zoned him.

Eventually after a full day on the river we went back to my place and ordered in some Thai Food. We had more conversations and kissed a little more. It was super nice. He went home that night and the next day I got an invite to go out on my dad's pontoon boat with my step sisters and their hubbies. And I thought, I kind of want to see if Joe wants to join. I asked him to join and he did! So then we spent another full day on the river together. This time with some family. A little taste into what life could be like as my boo. We had another great day and he seemed to get on nice with the fam as well. I liked that. He was such a gentleman and kept telling me how he was "the luckiest guy in the world." Which, I admit, felt a little too much for me at times, but also, I deserve for someone to feel that way, so I tried my best to get out of my head and enjoy the compliment and the feelings and just not put any pressure on it. 

That's where I start getting into trouble. When I get in my head too much and when I feel too much pressure. Like, "what if I hurt him?" Or "what if he's love bombing me? He doesn't actually feel lucky because there's no way he could feel that way yet." etc. You get the gist. There was lots of self sabotage going on in my head. And it still creeps up a little. But the more I've gotten to know Joe, the more sincere and genuine I feel his compliments are and I have to admit, I'm starting to feel pretty lucky myself. :) 

Usually the guys I go for, is lust at first sight. It's a quick crash and burn. Either that, or they string me along for a decade lolz. But right now I've got the slow burn happening with Joe. Instead of things crashing quickly, the more we communicate and get to know one another, the closer I feel to him. It's not perfect. We are two imperfect humans figuring each other out, but what I love about Joe is that he's giving just as much effort as I am, even during conflict and that goes a LONG way. While I haven't met his family yet (he's from the Tri-cities), he's told his friends and family about me and wants to include me, which also says a lot and is super important to me. Too many times I've dated guys that only give me part of themselves but ice me out of their family, etc. I deserve to have it all. 

We've obviously had several dates since our first weekend together. From more days at the river, to playing catch (stole my heart a little on that date), to hanging in a kitty pool in his backyard on the 4th of July, we've both celebrated birthday's together now (He's a Cancer and I'm a Leo). We have even shot some hoops together and I laid down the D! he he. He is down for all the fun times. We are planning to camp together with another big chunk of my family next weekend. I'm just so excited to have someone that's down to do all the things with me. 

And we have different days off, so it's actually been kind of nice to not spend every second of free time together. I've still made times for my own friends and activities and so has he, and it's been working out really well for us. We are at a place where we're chatting on the phone almost every night now even if we don't see each other. Again though, I want to reiterate that it's not perfect. We have already had some disagreements and tiffs, and that's totally normal. But we've both been respectful in the way we handle it and genuinely want the other person to feel heard and it's been healthy growth that I have high hopes will only continue to get better the more we learn about each other. 

He does have 2 cats though, and I have one wiener dog (but always ready to get a 2nd wiener on a whim ;)). My dog wants to murder and eat cats. So, blending the family might be a bit of a challenge. And we also live an hr from each other. Sometimes more with traffic. Definitely some obstacles to work through, but worth the effort and we're just going to take them as they come. But for now, I officially have a boyfriend. His name is Joe. And I'm excited to get to know him more and see where this goes. <3 

DB

​It's Been over 3 years since I've been on this blog, and I'm not sure why I felt like bringing it back today. Could be because the Pandemic is officially "over" and I can go out and be social. Or it could be because I feel like being a 37 (almost 38) yr old female without a partner is a lot more common than society wants you to believe and to all you folks out there in the same boat, well... you're not alone. 

I unfortunately have nothing crazy to report to you about the last 3 years about my romantic life. I've seen a toxic guy from my past off and on for a decade and I'm pretty sure I was FINALLY able to see that for what it really was (F Boy Season)... and I'm proud to be over it. 

Recently reconnected with Silver Fox from my past. TBD. Probably nothing. 

Oooh. I do have one juicy story for you! There was a guy that I used to play softball with. Over a decade ago. And we were really really good buddies. I had nothing but love for this dude, but in a platonic way. He was a bit older than me (50-ish now) and we had a lot of fun back in the day. At one point back in the day, he and his wife were struggling, and we were out and ended up making out a few times. I'm not proud of that, but it was shut down rather quickly and we went back to just friend status. And basically didn't talk for several years except a random text here or there when it was appropriate. Nothing but love and support for one another. 

Well, several months ago I get a text from him. We'll call him Jay Jay, because that was the nickname I gave him back in the day (short for Va-jay jay lol. THAT is the kind of friendship we had. Fun and teasing.)  As a reminder, it had been years since I'd seen him. He asked if I wanted to get together and catch up and told me he was living in a houseboat now. I said, sure! But I didn't think much of it. We met up for a drink and some food and when I saw him I immediately flashed back to the old feelings of attraction I had for him. But it was weird because it felt new yet also familiar, which felt good for me. Not just some dude on Tinder that you don't know that you have all these expectations with. I figured he was likely no longer married if he was living on the river now, but I didn't want to assume, so I kept everything very platonic. At the end of our meetup he did mention that he was divorced now... 

A couple of weeks later I see him on Tinder. I didn't swipe on him, but I got a text from him telling me he saw me on Tinder and he joked and asked if I was his type. And told me he'd take me on any fun dates that I wanted. I basically said, Just let me know! And I left the ball in his court. 

Shortly after that he asked me to meet up again. This time we had dinner at Edgefield (all dog friendly meetings) and we chatted for a few hours and called it a night. Still very platonic at this point and just nice to catch up with an old friend. I was still dating around and not thinking much about it. 

I noticed we started sending more texts here and there and instead of chatting every few weeks it started to turn into every few days. He made it very clear through his texts that he was interested but trying to play it cool and that he had a lot of regrets from his past in how he treated me and other people he loved in his life. But I also made it clear that I just wasn't sure how I felt. 

We made a plan for a third meetup/date. This time it was more of an exciting type date. And actually my favorite date. Kennedy School soaking pool. Yessss. Why is this date so good!? Especially when it's still colder weather and even with some slight sprinkling. I can't remember which month we went there but it was definitely still cold so that was great. 

He got a hotel room so we could stay as long as we wanted because otherwise you're limited to an hour. We changed in his room and went to bar and grabbed a drink and then went to the pool. We went on like a Wednesday right after work, so it wasn't too crowded. We ended up being in the soaking pool for hours and had 2-3 drinks over that time. We kissed for the first time and massaged each other's shoulders a bit, and we were turning strangers into friends. He seemed to be more into initiating the stranger conversations but it was fun and I didn't look too much into it. It was also a lot at the same time. Went from zero to a hundred rather quickly, but my guard was still up. I was enjoying my time, and listening to him tell me all the things that I deserve and how he has had strong feelings about me for years and followed me on social media, etc. It was kind of weird because it was like he knew what I had been up to for years, but I didn't know what he had been up to. So it felt a little unbalanced in terms of feelings. 

I didn't stay the night with him that night, FYI. I went home later in the evening when I sobered up. Pretty sure he went home too. But that evening definitely opened the door to something, what I wasn't sure of yet. 

Shortly after, things seemed exciting. I was excited to have a new interest. Again, it felt familiar. And I knew there was attraction, respect and feelings, so I started getting more intrigued at this possibility, all while still guarding my heart knowing he had only been divorced for a year and I'm sure had a lot to process on his own. 

The next week or so he asked if I wanted to go to a networking event together. We work in the same industry and I thought, that would be really fun. I literally never bring a plus one to anything like that, and how fun would it be to have someone go with you that cares about you, and you them, all while knowing they can hold their own in this setting. I was excited. And thought what a perfect idea! 

So, I put him down as my plus one. And it was set. The day before the event, I get a text from my toxic ex I mentioned earlier... we can just call him "Toxic." that he had an extra ticket to the Kevin Hart show the same night as the networking event. I told him that I actually had a date that night, and then he graciously offered to give me the tickets for me and Jay Jay. I thought, a little weird to accept that, but also, sounds really fun and if I'm already going to be out let's just make it a fun night! I was excited to be dating someone again that I was interested in because it just doesn't happen very often. I asked Jay Jay if he was down and he was! Yay! 

About an hour before the networking event I got a text from Jay Jay that he wasn't going to be able to make either event. Bummer city. He and his teenage daughters were going through the transition of divorce and what their relationship looks like post divorce and he had to be there for them. I totally understood, but I remember feeling so bummed that night. This was the first night that I got excited and was starting to see some real potential. He of course apologized that he had to go out of town for his daughters and that he would make it up to me and take me to a Blazer game. 

I shrugged it off, but was already dressed up with nowhere to go (except my networking event.) I let "Toxic" know that I no longer needed the tix, and that I was ditched last minute, so of course, Toxic swooped in and said let's go. And I was feeling vulnerable enough to say yes. 

I had a great time with Toxic, as I always do, and we probably made out that night (actually don't recall lol). But, I was still thinking about Jay Jay. And this is a toxic trait of mine, but I think I wanted Jay Jay even more after he ditched me. Brains can also be toxic ha ha. 

I decided to get vulnerable and let Jay Jay know that I missed him at the event and that I wished he were there. And then all of a sudden he was coming into town from his event and said he wanted to see me. I was at a different event that night but all dressed up again and feeling sexy, so we met at a bar on his way home from town. He was late because he dropped his keys in the water at the house boat and his neighbor had to rescue his keys. It was a cute story, and I'm pretty sure I was ovulating when I saw him, so I felt especially close to him that night. It was crazy. It was like we were 2 lovebirds in a corner booth and it was intoxicating. I was really starting to develop feelings for Jay Jay and getting excited about the possibilities, again still guarding my heart. 

The next time I saw him was at another bar. we met at a dive bar and this time felt different. He got vulnerable with me and told me he was in love with me and that he had been for years. Mind you, he was having some drinks and it's hard to say what is true coming from someone who is drinking, but he definitely used very strong verbiage with me. I was Sober Sally that night so it was very interesting. He was talking about our future together and the life he envisioned for us and how he wanted to be that person to support my dreams and how we would be this power couple supporting each other. And it all did sound nice. He asked if I could envision a life with him. I told him, I wasn't sure yet, but that I wouldn't be sitting there with him if I didn't think it was in the realm of possibilities. 

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. There's a reason that is a saying. You know, I wanted to believe him. I really did. But damn. things changed very quickly after that night. 

He sobbed in my arms that night about how remorseful he was for his past behavior. He had a friggin GREAT line that his daughters were number 1 but that I was 1A.  I felt loved and cared for. But also, on guard. He talked about some troubles with his ex wife the way someone would who is still not moved on from that trauma. So deep in my gut, I didn't feel like he was quite ready. And that was okay with me, because neither was I. I just really wanted to get to know him again and see what this was if anything and I was open to the possibilities. 

Fast forward a week or two and I am pretty sure it was his idea to hang out with my friends. I thought it was a great idea. What better way to vet a relationship than to introduce them to your friends and see the dynamic. So I asked him what his schedule was to make sure he had no obligations with his daughters that night and we scheduled game night around HIS schedule. And guess what? He literally cancelled like an hr or two before. Damn. It was for his daughters but this time he didn't say why. And look, I want to be understanding but damn, it still hurts. And when that happens and Jay Jay says he's going to make it up to me but then doesn't make any plans to, it sucks. 

Feeling a bit defeated, but still hopeful. STILL trying to be understanding. I ended up booking myself a vacation to Mexico. And I just threw it out there. Want to get away? I mean, what better way then to really test your chemistry than to spend a week together on a vacay?! I was cool to go by myself because I usually go on vacations by myself anyway. And he made it seem like he was really interested. But he had a surgery that was scheduled over that time and it couldn't be moved again. I was bummed and knew I'd likely be thinking about him while on this trip, but still determined to have a good time. 

Well, Christmas rolls around and I'm a huge holiday person. I got a "Merry Christmas" text from him. And honestly it seemed a bit cold. You tell someone the week before that you see a future with them and want to be a power couple, and then you slightly ghost them over the holiday weekend. Just odd behavior. So I was now starting to feel a little insecure and wanted some validation. You can tell me a million times that you're feeling one way, but at this point the actions point to a different direction. So we hop on  a phone chat that I thought went well. He said he didn't want to screw this up and that he really wanted to do this right with me, which I really appreciated. And so he decided that I should go have fun in Mexico, he was going to have his surgery and then when he was recovered we would spend some quality time together. This was HIS idea. So I agree. 

I go to Mexico and he's on my mind the whole time. I wish he was there with me several times but I don't text him because he asked for space. Some more time goes on and it's now been a couple months since his surgery and I haven't heard from him. I did look up his instagram to make sure he was alive and he changed his profile pic so I knew he was. So I decided to reach out. I asked him if he was okay and wondered why I hadn't heard from him. Nothing. I haven't heard from him again. It's been over 5 months since I heard from him.

Just add another F boy to my list! FML! lol. I laugh, but also, that's totally F'd. Just say what you mean, and mean what you say. And at 50, why are you playing games with my heart? (insert Backstreet Boys lyrics)...

So yeah. It definitely opened up the can of worms for Toxic to make an appearance in my life for a couple months, but I finally cut that off for good. Thank gawd! Haven't heard from Jay Jay.  Actually signed up for a matchmaker in Portland, so we'll see if I get a date out of that. But I am staying away from the apps and just living my best life on my own and if someone is meant to walk by my side they will show up. And if not, it's me and my pup and I'm also cool with that too. :) 

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​"It's been a hot minute since I wrote about my (non-existent) dating life.  Honestly, I was way too busy kicking ass and taking names to be worried about what I was doing in my dating life. But at the end of the day, I'm still human and still crave that physical and emotional connection to another human being. 

I just looked back at my old post real quick, and wow, I can't believe the last romantic connection I had was on New Years Eve where I tried to hop a fence to take an uber ride of shame lol. Not my finest hour. ha! At the beginning of March I may have also gotten drunk and naked in a hot tub and made out with a co-worker, but that's neither here nor there. lol. 

Since life has us all moving a little slower right now, I thought I would first get myself together before trying to add to the mix.  The first two months in Quarantine were honestly super rough for me.  I was eating a ton, drinking a ton, not working out, watching a lot of netflix and just feeling really down about life.  Well, thank goodness I've mostly snapped out of it! I've been workin on my fitness and running every day, lifting weights, eating better (sometimes) and I just feel happier. I think "happiness" is always something we will keep striving for, but trying to live in the moment and being the best version of myself is really helping me appreciate all the things about life right now, even during these crazy times. 

With all that said, I thought now, would be a perfect time to go online to try and put myself out there again. So that's what I've been doing. I signed up for the online dating app, Bumble again.  This time I wanted to have more self control when it comes to swiping.  Normally, I swipe and swipe and swipe until I have so many matches that I can't handle it.  I don't remember who said what, I get annoyed really easily, and I can't just focus on the person in front of me.  So this time, I matched with 5 guys the first day and tried to just focus on those 5 matches. 

Out of the 5 that I matched with, there were only two that really caught my eye.  The first guy, we'll call him "Selfie Man."  The reason I say this is because most of his profile pictures are selfies.  Normally, that's an instant turn off to me.  But because I was in a forgiving mood, I remembered helping a buddy of mine out with his dating profile once.  This buddy is a really good dude, but when he showed me his profile it was all selfies.  If I wouldn't have told him to switch it up, he would also be selfie dude.  So, I cut 
"Selfie Man" some slack this time around. 

We scheduled a Zoom Date and I was pleasantly surprised!  Let me just note, I really wanted to do a vlog this time around instead of a blog, but some technology issues have blocked me from achieving that, and I didn't want to keep you all hanging so I decided a blog would suffice!  So, on the zoom date he had me laughing, and flirting like a school girl, and it was genuinely really fun.  We even sang the "bagel bites" theme song together!  Good times.  But at the end of the day, looking back, I wasn't sure if there was a lot of substance to our conversation (foreshadowed by all the selfies maybe?). 

Since our zoom date, he was texting me every morning, afternoon and evening checking in on me, which on paper sounds really nice, right? But, honestly I was getting pretty annoyed by it.  Not because he was texting, but he was STILL texting no substance.  He would ask me how my day was, and I would tell him and then ask him back and he either wouldn't acknowledge what I told him I was doing, or wouldn't acknowledge that I asked him what he was doing and then he'd go radio silent.  Honestly, it felt like calculated moves and what one would do in a non-quarantine world if they were just trying to get in your pants and not trying to get to know you.  Red Flag, bro.  

But overall it was his actions (or rather his inactions) that were the turn off. After our zoom date he never once asked to zoom again.  It was all just text here, text there, no substance, didn't care. He FINALLY texted that he wanted to meet up.  So I thought maybe it would go well. We could social distance in a park together somewhere and talk like real humans.  He said how about this week?  When I told him when I was available so we could schedule a day, he proceeded to tell me about ALL the "cool" things he was doing this week and how he could only Mayybe hang on Tuesday because he was "so busy" but wouldn't even commit to Tuesday! SMH! lol.  Umm, do I have to remind you that you asked me to hang out this week brah?  Seriously,  I am almost 100% sure that the only reason he asked me to hang out was so that he could brag about himself.  Barf.  Needless to say, no more texts have happened and he's cut!  Next! 

So, the 2nd guy that caught my eye, we'll call him " Cardiac Fish Guide," or "CFG" since he's a fishing guide and he's also a cardiac ICU Nurse.  Obviously there's a lot more to him, but it's an easy nickname.  I actually had my first zoom meeting with him almost directly after I had my first zoom meeting with "Selfie Man."  I thought "CFG" had a lot to live up to after how well my first zoom meeting went!

Well, CFG didn't quite feel as giddy, but for some reason that little voice in my gut was telling me that even though the flirtatious connection wasn't as strong, that he felt more genuine and there were probably more layers to uncover before deciding how I might feel about him. Plus, I'm sure a zoom date wasn't giving me the full picture.  

Needless to say, we scheduled a 2nd zoom date.  Well, the day we had our date scheduled he was on a fishing trip and he got home late and was tired and didn't text me until super late (well over the time we were suppoed to zoom).  The part that frustrated me the most was that he didn't even acknowledge the fact that he missed our date... I had to bring it up. Red flag.  So, instead of being pissed, I decided I really didn't care all that much. lol.  But, I figured I'd let him know that he could have just sent a text saying his was tired.  He apologized, set up a 2nd zoom date, and since then we've had a 3rd.  So I'm pretty proud of myself for just saying what I felt.  He didn't get upset about it, he instead listened, and changed his behavior.  Good man. Good skills. Good potential. 

So today we had our 3rd zoom date.  He was super nice again.  But, at the same time, there isn't that flirtatious thing going on.  I find him attractive.  I find his manliness attractive. But, I'm still trying to decide how I feel.  I think seeing him in person social distanced would help me decide what I really feel.  But I honestly don't mind taking it slow, and I like it that way.  We haven't even exchanged phone numbers... we're still texting through the app.  Normally, I would find that odd.  Which, maybe it is.  But I'm not even mad about it.  I like it!  But, hoping CFG will step up soon and ask me out to a park to meet in person!  If not, then I might swipe on just a few more guys and slowly get to know them, while I continue to be the best version of me! :) 

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I followed your advice and I decided to go on a 3rd date with Bro Country! It wasn't exactly how I planned it though.  We were supposed to hang out last weekend but I had the stomach flu and was just not up to it!  We didn't reschedule yet, and so I wasn't sure when I was going to see him again. 

Fast forward to New Years Eve.  I was not planning to do anything too exciting.  I got Chinese food with my family at 4pm in Troutdale for my step dad's 60th birthday. And then I went straight to a 2 year olds birthday party.  Such a rager. ;) lol. They offered me drinks there, but I was planning on driving home in a couple of hours to snuggle up to my ween for my new years kiss (preferrably at east cost new years time... old lady alert.) 

Well, one thing led to another and the people wanted answers.  They kept asking about bro county and if I was going to see him again.  I debated.  Every single person was on board to have me see him again and convinced me that texting him tonight was the right idea. lol.  What was I getting myself into?  They kept telling me how hot he was, and that I should get my new years kiss.  Now, I had granny panties on tonight and was not prepared for any kind of action down there, so no funny business was going to be happening. ha ha.  But, I didn't see the harm in getting a new years kiss/make out session.  

My friends at the 2 year olds birthday party were coaching me on what to text him.  I guess, this was the most exciting thing that was probably going to happen at that party, so I get their interest. lol. It started with a winky face gif.  He told me he was driving for lyft tonight and I teased that I needed a lift. ;) All through the help of my peers of course.  A friend came up with a great one.  To send the text that we should play ride roulette.  If he gets a ride close to where I'm at, then he can come pick me up! Genius!  And obviously would likely never work, so if he didn't show up at a reasonable hour, then he really didn't want to see me.  Bro Country was down!  Sweet!  

Well shit.  Now, I'm at a 2 year old's birthday party, with my granny panties on, about to have a hot date.  I need to do something fast! My bestie, the 2 year olds mom quickly grabs me a tiny bottle (shot) of  fireball.  Because you know, us old folks don't actually buy bottles of booze anymore ha ha. And then she gave me two white claws to down.  Everyone was cheering me on, waiting for the next text from Bro Country to come in.  And I was double fisting it trying to catch up to the level I was at with my text messages. Cause at this point, I think Bro Country is hot, no obvious red flags, good conversation, but the fuego isn't totally there. Alcohol should help. 

About an hr later he texts sayin he's about 15 minutes out.  At this point, it's almost east coast new years.  I ask for one more white claw and when Bro Country arrived we had 5 minutes for the countdown.  I invited him in so my friends could size him up and to see how he does under pressure.  Not to my surprise, he was a gentleman and did great! We all counted down the new years together and then we took off. 

The plan was to have Bro Country just drop me off at home, but I told him we'd have a nice new years kiss.  But in the middle of my drunken  debacle a gf texted that they were out at another bar, and I was already buzzed so that sounded super fun.  When I told Bro Country he could drop me off there instead and/or was welcome to join me he quickly nixed that.  Said he thought we could grab a bottle of wine and watch a movie.  At this point, I forgot about my granny panties and agreed that was the best call! 

We got to his place and coincidentally his roommates were out of town.  We put on the movie Bad Grandpa, and laughed and cuddled and things heated up pretty quickly.  He was really trying to get in my pants lol... and I was trying to do everything I could to avoid the "situation" (granny panties, not groomed, etc.) I told him I was down to make out, but not down to get down. The things we say.  So we started making out hard core.  Which was super fun.  He takes me to bed with him and he's trying again and I blurt out, that it won't work because I've been watching too much porn lately anyway.  lol.  Did I really just say that? ha ha. I mean, desperate times call for desperate measures.  You gotta do what you gotta do! 

Pretty sure I said a lot of things that could keep me held accountable in court of law that night lol.  But, I do remember a moment where he was really pressuring me to please him, and I just drunkenly blurted out, "I'd rather keep my free will, thanks." I think that threw him off... and must have been what ended the drunken make out.  I mean, I was proud of myself for saying that.  Sometimes when I'm in situations like that, and not into it, it can feel like pleasing someone else is the easier thing to do than to speak up.  But I spoke up.  And then I passed out. 

I woke up around 8am with Bro Country next to me snoring.  His pillows were awful and my neck hurt. And turns out, alcohol and mixing alcohol makes you have to take a really bad shit in the morning.  I contemplated what to do.  His bathroom was literally RIGHT next to his bedroom.  And you can hear everything from there. Last thing I wanted to do was leave a grumpy my first time over.  And not just any grumpy...  BAD grumpy. (Get it?  Bad Grandmpa?  Bad Grumpy? lol. #dadjokes)

So, I got dressed, and ordered the fasted lyft ride.  I contemplated waking him up and asking for a ride, but then he could have wanted breakfast or something and I really just needed to get to my home thrown.  It was time to take the browns to the superbowl.  Drop the kids off at the pool. I couldn't risk it. 

My lyft was about 6 minutes out.  I snuck back into Bro Country's room, morning after awkardness surging through my body and finally to my fingertips where I gently tapped Bro Country.  "I'm going to take off."  in a hazy state he did ask if I wanted a ride, but I told him I already got a lyft.  Gave him a quick peck on the mouth, and walked out the door. 

Now, to figure out where the hell I was. lol.  Somewhere in Vancouver.  Finally, I get a phone call and it's the lyft driver.  He was at the roundabout but couldn't get through the gate.  THE GATE!  Shoot!  I have no idea what the code is!  I walk over to the gate and I see my driver.  He rolls down his window.  In panic, I tell him I have no idea how to get out.  The fence is high, and I was preparing to shamefully hop the fence as this innocent bystander watches my walk of shame struggle lol.  I ended up able to push the gate as hard as I could, just enough to squeeze my body through.  damn.  This is straight out of a movie scene.  I'm dying laughing at myself inside and wondering when this driver is going to tell this story to someone else. smh. 

I ended up making it home, just in time for my friend to pick me up for a hike at the coast.  Every year we do this.  We make plans to hike new years day, regretting our decisions hung over.  But we always pull through... alas, it WAS a great day! 

Bro Country and I texted back and forth a bit throughout the day.  Nothing mind shattering, which seems to be our theme.  He's leaving in 6 months.  We're  not quite on the same page of what we're looking for, so we decide to end things romantically.  It's the right move.  BUT, I will say, I'm so glad that I decided to get a little wild for NYE.  I'm proud of myself for continually putting myself out there, because you just never know when you will actually meet someone that just clicks.  Until then, the adventure continues! <3 

Last night... oh last night... lol. First, when you start the day by waking up at 6am to go wine tasting with the family, you never know how your night is going to end up!  My sister picked me up around 8am and I was feeling myself.  Had my low cut top on with my nipple pasties underneath in case of an accidental slip or in case the temperature got too cold.  Keeping it classy. ;) I showered and was all fresh.  Just feelin real cute.  Ready to mingle. It's funny though when you show up at 8am ready for date night just to meet the fam.  The fam consists of all married couples (or practically married).  Between me and my step sisters there's 6 sisters total (only 5 of us were there for this) plus my step mom an everybody's significant others.  It really is a good time. 

I wanted to pace myself as I knew I had a hot date that night with Bro Country so me and my sister decided to split our tastings and then we quit drinking all together by the last stop. On the way home, those of us who didn't split tastings were feeling pretty toasty and there was some mooning of cars, passing of wine in the car, and lots of singing of Christmas carols.  Too funny.  I love my family very much.  Next year, we've decided to get matching Christmas Onesies for wine tasting!
 
After a full day of wine tasting and driving long hours in the back country on windy roads I was not feeling so fresh. In fact, the minute I got home I blew up the toilet. lol.  Like my stomach was NOT well.  Nothing to make you feel sexy like quadruple wiping your ass before a hot date and no time for a shower! lol. 

Bro Country was being super cute and accommodating though.  Was texting me a little throughout the day asking me how the trip was going and making sure I knew he was flexible with whatever time I got in and that we could change plans accordingly.  He even offered to pick me up for the date which was really sweet!  But at date 2 I'm still interested in driving myself. 

We ended up deciding on a mini golf course pub in SE.  It was super cute! I loved the idea... But I was also SO tired!  I literally laid in bed for 10 minutes with my dog contemplating keeping my eyes closed for the rest of the night.  BUT, I don't like wasting peoples times and I hate it when people don't respect mine, so that last thing I was going to do was cancel. 

When I walked into the pub, I saw a bro dude at the bar.  I thought to myself... "bro country wasn't THAT bro-ey." But then he turned around and it was him. lol. whoops. He really is clean cut and put together and off first glance you would think is likely a d-bag.  But he's still sweet as ever. Through our conversations I never found out if he likes Trump, but he did squeeze in that he was in a fraternity (not surprising at all lol). 

Again, we had some great conversation.  I love that he is passionate about his goals and seems to really have a good head and heart on his shoulders. And he was still very attractive.  We had fun playing mini golf and chatting.  And it really was a good time.  At the end of the night he kissed me a little bit.  And it wasn't bad.  But.... and this is the big but... something just isn't quite there.  The excitement.  The spark?  I dunno.  He's a really great guy and I don't see any flaws in him... I'm just not sure if I'm into him.  I don't get giddy wanting to text him.  I don't feel a big flirtation between us.  But if I had a friend that wanted to date him, I would definitely recommend him.  He's just a solid dude. Seems open minded.  I'm just not quite sure what is off there?  My gutt says something's off though. Maybe it's age? Like, we're just not quite at the same place in life?  Maybe it's just that he doesn't seem all that exciting.  But he's really sweet and I'll give him that.  Sometimes people are great, but just not the one. 

Do you all think I should go out with him one more time for another chance at a spark?  Or do I just listen to that little voice in my gut that says, "great guy, but not the one." ?

I did it!  I've now gone one 3 dates pretty much back to back to back. Verdict: Date 1 pretty solid.  Date 2, nice guy but not that into him.  And Date 3... pretty solid as well! I'm not quite sure I had as much of the physical primal attraction with date 3 that i had with date 1 but I wasn't not attracted to him.  And I really liked talking to him.  I feel like this one would be more of a slow burn, but a burn none the less! :) 

To get into the details me and date 3, let's call him Outdoor Joe.   (his name is not Joe)... but he loves to Hunt and Fish and explore outside and works for an outdoor tv show.  We had quite a bit in common.  His dating profile actually reminded me a lot of Garrett from the Bachelorette who ended up with Beka.  

We matched on Bumble about a week ago and actually had decent conversation.  Then we didn't talk for a couple days and I got annoyed that nobody could meet up and ended up deleting the app.  Well, he popped up again today, so I swiped right again and just asked, "what are you doing right now?"  He was finishing up work.  I was finishing up work.  So we got ready and we met at Kennedy School for a drink and a soak.  F -yah!  I did this for my birthday this summer.  It's so freakin great.  Soaking pool and a beverage is where it's at!  We had our name on the wait list for the pool so we chatted for an hour in the first bar at the school.  Before he came in I let the bartenders know a Bumble date was about to meet me and when he showed up I told my date that I had already told the bartenders. lol  You know!?  It's just easier to be open and honest about everything, amiright? 

So we finally get called to the pool so we ordered one more and soaked for an hour.  It was awesome.  Talked a lot about our stories.  He had this cute little accent cause he's from the midwest.  Aww... Actually I think I'd rather call him Midwest Joe.  That's cuter.  Don't care that he's outdoorsy. I mean, I do... but the accent was cuter. ;) 

Midwest Joe is not quite in a place where he wants to settle down though.  Him and Bro Country both.  That's what I get for dating these younger guys (he's 32).  Guys MY age don't even want to commit! (eye roll)... that's pretty much what he said him and his last gf broke up over.  Just not in the same spots.  He wants to travel for work and doesn't like to stay in one place for more than 3 years... he's been in Portland for 2 now.  So eh... BUT I'm also like, who knows where life will take you?  There's no harm in getting to know people. They could have had other stuff that didn't match up too.  Plus, even though I'm biologically ready to have children, I'm still happy exploring and traveling and what not too.  

Basically Midwest Outdoor Joe was cute.  I changed my mind again.  Since I already named him Outdoor Joe that's what I keep wanting to type, so Outdoor Joe it remains. OJ... he he. That's bad and funny.  Basically OJ was cute, had great conversation, had a lot in common. I'd probably see him again too.  Nothing mind shattering again.  No long lost love/lust connection bam sparks or anything, but seemed like a good dude that I could potentially see myself making out with sometime in the future.  Jury is still out.  Wow, two potentials so far.  This is fun!  And a little dangerous.  I will have much better idea when I see Bro Country tomorrow how I feel about a 3rd date.  If you make it past date 3 you're pretty much in.  So may the odds be ever in their favor! :) 

Made it on a 2nd date!  Not with the same guy from date number 1 (Bro Country) but I would have probably had a more romantic time.  Date number 2 we'll call him Weed Man (WM).  I'm calling him Weed Man because he made it very clear on his profile he was in the weed business.  Now, I'm not big on weed anything, but he was cute enough to at least meet.  And remember, I'm trying to be more open minded... ESPECIALLY to the people who are just willing to meet right away! 

Weed man and I met after I was done scouting  a house and I was sweating balls.  It was rainy yesterday but SUPER muggy! I had my winter outfit on but was pitting out big time. lol.  In case you were wondering all that. ;)  We met at Bar of the Gods.  Had one drink there, played some pool (seems to be a recurring theme) and had good conversation.  I liked him as a person right away.  But just as fast as I liked him as a person, I wasn't feeling it romantically.  And I could tell that he was, so it was a little awkward.  

The date wasn't bad enough that I was trying to leave, but it wasn't good enough to want to stay.  I WAS hungry though, so was down for some food with him.  Oh and this time date, when we ordered our first drinks he said, "This one's on me."  Which I thought was nice, but that also definitely implies that next ones on you.  Totally fine.  And I actually got his next drink and the meal we split.  If I was feeling him though, I might have been a little disappointed that he wasn't treating me or courting me.  I'm a little old school in that sense where for at least the first few dates I want to be courted. 

Anyway, I used the out that I should probably get back home to my puppy.  I stopped drinking at the first drink.  He walked me to my car and grabbed me by the arm and tried to snuggle in.  It felt almost like how a little child would snuggle up, which was not manly at all. Also, he was way smaller in person than he appeared online. Profile said he was 5'11" which is about the shortest I want to date (always exceptions to the rule to all you short awesome dudes out there lol)... but I'm pretty sure that was a stretch on his profile.  He felt more like 5'9". SMH.  Also, he was really scronny.  I need a man with a little meat to dem bones! 

So as he walked me to my car he was already talking about how fun our next date was going to be, which I made no indication that I was on board.  I think he just assumed it.  But I didn't want to be rude.  It's super hard to let someone down when you can tell they're really excited and when they don't think that's going to happen. 

We got to my car and he hugged me and I could tell he was going to go in for the kiss so I turned my cheek and we did the awkward he's trying to kiss me but please miss me dance.  Then he looked deep into my eyes and there was no avoiding it.... he was going in. lol.  Shoot!  So I just gave him the ol' mom peck. ha ha.  He texted me later that night about what an amazing time he had.  I felt then was the best moment to tell him I had a nice time but not in a romantic way.  Crickets.  Oh well.  On to the next!  

And by next, I mean literally right now. Date #3... I'm on a roll.  Wish me luck!  And don't worry, I still have my 2nd date with Bro Country tomorrow and I'm excited about it! :)  

I did it!  I finally went on a date this winter!  (So much for my 12 dates of Christmas!) I'm telling you, it is SUPER hard to get someone to meet you in real life these days.  I had to put on my dating profile "Only swipe right if you can meet RIGHT now." And of course it took 3 days for one person to finally meet.  But it happened!  Woo! 

This guy, we'll call him Bro Country.  Yep. I totally went on a date with a Bro Country guy.  And I Kiiiiinda liked it. Don't judge. ;)  I also kiiinda hated it.  Jury is still out.  Lately I've been trying really hard not to judge a book by its cover.  I mean, obviously  I still want to be attracted to someone when going out with them.  But I'm trying not to be too picky for an initial date because people can surprise you. 

So Bro Country is 30 years old.  Which is a little younger than I'd like to date, but he's also old enough to potentially be in a spot where he know whats he wants, so I'm open to it.   It seems that the guys in the range I'm hoping to date have kids, and maybe divorced a time or two.  Not that it's the end of the world, but I prefer to start a family with someone who isn't jaded to the whole idea already which is what I generally find with divorced single dads (no offense to the non jaded awesome single dads out there! ;) ) 

Last night I met BC at a dive bar close to my house.  I really liked that he was down for that and actually suggested it.  He knew I'd been driving around all day and caught in a bunch of traffic for work, so he suggested a spot RIGHT by me.  On my way to the dive bar I got a notification on my phone that Donald Trump was getting impeached.  As I pulled into the parking lot, I read a little about it before going in to meet my date.  Then I took one last glance at BC's profile online to make sure I got his name right, and most importantly his face right.  As I looked as his profile I realized that his account wasn't verified.  So for added safety I grabbed my leatherman tool out of my back seat and put it in my back pocket.  I practiced getting the knife part out too.  Better safe than sorry! 

As I sat at the bar and ordered my first drink, BC came in.  Great big smile.  Broad shoulders. Bro looked like he worked out.  But not too bro-ey... but almost too bro-ey lol. His smile WAS really cute.  It got me. Nothing better than a good smile (besides a good... well never mind. ;) ) 

He was a gentleman off the bat and made sure the bartender knew that my drinks were on him.  Good man.  We had good conversation.  Nothing mind shattering.  He told me about some of his goals.  He's trying to get in the army at 30.  Works in construction now (sexy)... love a man that works with his hands and sweats a lot. lol. And this is bad, but I can't remember what he said he went back to school for... oh wait.  Criminal justice!  That's right.  He's trying to get into the army's police force I think.  Or something like that.  Interesting.  Funny enough, I was picturing him in a uniform as he was telling me this story.  It looked good. ;)   

With all of that, he might be gone in June.  Interestingly enough, this was NOT a turn off.  It was more of a safety net.  The commitment-phobe in me LOVED that there's an easy out 6 months down the road. :)  Takes a lot of pressure off things. But then also it's an exciting gamble! What if he stays and its a great 6 months?  So many possibilities.  Fun!

We had good conversation and then we moved our bar stool date to the pool table.  He said he sucked and then shot like his first 7 balls in!  I was like dayum!  But then, somehow I followed that and did just about the same thing.  He ended up scratching on the 8 ball when I only had  1 ball left.  So it was a good close game.  I won the 2nd game but barely.  We both sucked that game and took us forever to finish.  

I was starting to feel the drink I was drinking towards the end of the date because I noticed I was blabbing.  Also, I noticed during the date that I stumbled on a few words.  Mostly because I was actually attracted to BC. Funny how that works.  At the end of the night he walked me to my car and grabbed me by my hand.  He had nice strong man hands.  It made me feel secure.  I liked it. No kiss goodnight.  I probably wouldn't have said no if he tried.  But it's always good to have a little more to go off of before you have a first kiss. 

Oh and the reason I'm calling him BC (Bro Country) in the first place is because he actually likes bro country music.  We bonded over that.  There's just something so sexy about a man that appreciates the same music as you.  He kind of looks like a bro too.  Great smile.  Nice Style.  Broad shoulders.  ha ha.  Aaaand.  I have a feeling he might like Donald Trump. :(  I could tell he was strategically avoiding the subject all night. But that's something I'm willing to find out on a second date.  

Speaking of 2nd date.  When he got home he messaged me and said he'd love to go out again.  And then ACTUALLY suggested a date on the calendar for it.  Men, take notes.  He didn't say, "wanna hang out sometime?" But he actually suggested the date on the calendar.  Love that.  So even though he might come across as a little bro-ey and there's a slight chance he likes Donald Trump (please say it isn't so!)... I'm looking forward to exploring if there's more chemistry there or not.  Should be fun! 

Woo!  An actual successful date!  Not bad, world! Oh, he suggested Sunday but I'll be wine tasting with my family that day.  Hopefully it doesn't get too crazy that day and works out, but if not, to be continued how it plays out... :) 

 
Well, I’m still single. Womp womp.  I had a really exciting encounter though In REAL life NOT from online… It was a little over a month ago.  I was working on a film project with some friends and this guy kind of came up out of nowhere.  I had met him once before on a project but thought he was kind of quiet and wasn’t even sure if he liked me as a person. I had zero romantic interest.  This last time we worked together something felt different though.  We had fun banter that by the end of the weekend turned very flirty. “You’re devastatingly charming” he would say to me. And, “If you keep that up I’m going to propose to you.” He was sending the vibes and I was receiving them if ya know what I mean.? 😉 lol 
                After we wrapped the project we went out to a bar as a group.  We had drinks and played darts and the flirtation continued.  I felt very comfortable with him and had fun playing darts and brushing hands on each others backs, etc.  At the end of the night he gave me his number and I called him right away to make sure he had my number.  We said goodnight.  It was a very fun flirt! I was feeling very excited and I haven’t felt that in a long time.  He seemed like a great guy.  We have mutual friends. We have a lot in common.  He felt respectful.  It was what could potentially be a good start to something.  We’ll call him, Camera Guy.
                I had a date planned the next weekend with someone else though.  I was somewhat excited about this date until I met, Camera Guy.  Then all I could think about was how I preferred the date to be with Camera Guy. But, as my friends suggested I needed to see this date through and keep my options open in case Camera Guy turned out to be a dud.  I agreed. It was best to see this through.
                The following weekend we had our film screening.  I hadn’t heard much from Camera Guy during the week but he did send me a picture text from Halloween in Seattle and we kept it light. I was cool with that.  A bunch of us met up early for the screening for a drink and me and Camera Guy stayed behind for a drink together.  It was a great time. We went over to the theater and found a seat and ended up getting snuggly and more flirty and I just felt really comfortable again, and was letting loose having a great time being in the moment.  As we left for the night he walked me to my car and kissed me.  It was awkward.  I went in for a 2nd kiss hoping it would be better, but was almost more awkward lol. Shoot!  I still felt like there was potential though. We texted that night after we got home and he was telling me how amazing I was etc.
 As the week went on, I figured I’d hear from Camera Guy if he was as interested in me as he seemed, but I didn’t hear anything.  Something felt off.  He seemed super into me in person, but then it was radio silence.  I asked a couple of friends if that was weird. And eventually decided to make sure I wasn’t playing games and gave him an opening.  I decided to reach out and text him.  He texted back, but it was short and took him a long time to reply.  Even a day later one of the times.  At this point, I’m feeling disappointed.  And disappointed in men in general.  Why go out of your way to make a girl feel special just to let her down? So frustrating and disrespectful.
                Turns out as I had to find out from a mutual friend, that he had just gotten out of a serious relationship the weekend before we worked together.  UGGGHHH. So annoying that he wouldn’t tell me that.  And that I was being used as a rebound.  My gut was telling me something was off when he wasn’t as interested outside of in person, and my gut was right.  Trust your gut ladies.  And dudes, be more respectful of women and their time/emotions.  Just be up front. End rant. 😊 
                Mooooving on… I’ve been back online dating on Bumble.  It’s a tough world out there. I’ve met a few people in person.  I was at the coast a couple of weeks ago for work and met a guy for dinner before driving home.  Trying to be spontaneous.  I thought maybe I’d get a room that night if things went well and spend the next day with him… but the second he opened his mouth I knew I wanted to leave as soon as possible.  He was just really dorky and there’s no way I would have ever considered a date with him in real life.  So, good for him.  His pictures didn’t look bad, but you just can’t tell the way someone is in person by a picture.  They can be the most awkward person in the world, or the most charming person in the world and you’d never know until you meet.  Pictures can be deceiving. 
                The other night I met this really cute guy online. He was a dad of a toddler and said he wanted more kids. Score!  Had a huge bright smile and just seemed really fun.  He was from the Dalles, so it was going to be tough to meet for coffee.  He suggested that we facetime.  I thought that was a really genius idea.   Why not?!  We scheduled to “meet” when I got off work.  I called him via facetime and when he answered something felt off.  Turns out he had been day drinking all day.  Red Flag, BUT I thought it was funny and he still seemed cool.  We chatted about anything and everything for a few hours.  It was really fun!  But by the last hour he was telling me how he always chats for girls for a few hours and then they never call him back.  Asking me what he would have to do different to get me to call him back.  Then, he kept telling me how beautiful I looked and how he wished he looked better and kept trying to find a different angle on the phone.  It was a huge turnoff.  He was SO insecure.  Which was too bad because he seemed to be a good catch!
                The next day I texted him and let him know that my gut was telling me that I just wanted to be friends.  He said no problem and I didn’t hear back.  I thought that was the correct reply.   About 5 hours later I got a text from him telling me my gut was wrong and that he felt otherwise.  I contemplated this, because I really did have a nice chat with him other than the insecure red flags at the end of the conversation.  I told him I’d be willing to meet him in person to see if there was a connection, but that wasn’t good enough for him.  He proceeded to tell me how lame I was for that and that I needed to commit to only seeing him, etc.  I haven’t even met this dude and he was going off on me about how he was trying to “win” me back. Dude, you never HAD me to win me back lol.  It ended up being a shit show so I just couldn’t deal and I blocked him.  Some of y’all are real crazies out there. Ha ha.  But you know the weird part?  I would prefer a little crazy then no emotions at all and being fake.  Be your crazy authentic selves.  It’s refreshing… just don’t be too crazy! 😉 Moral of the story… keep trusting your gut.  It wasn’t wrong.  It’s never wrong. 😊