Guess Who's Back? (It's Not Shady...)

​It's Been over 3 years since I've been on this blog, and I'm not sure why I felt like bringing it back today. Could be because the Pandemic is officially "over" and I can go out and be social. Or it could be because I feel like being a 37 (almost 38) yr old female without a partner is a lot more common than society wants you to believe and to all you folks out there in the same boat, well... you're not alone. 

I unfortunately have nothing crazy to report to you about the last 3 years about my romantic life. I've seen a toxic guy from my past off and on for a decade and I'm pretty sure I was FINALLY able to see that for what it really was (F Boy Season)... and I'm proud to be over it. 

Recently reconnected with Silver Fox from my past. TBD. Probably nothing. 

Oooh. I do have one juicy story for you! There was a guy that I used to play softball with. Over a decade ago. And we were really really good buddies. I had nothing but love for this dude, but in a platonic way. He was a bit older than me (50-ish now) and we had a lot of fun back in the day. At one point back in the day, he and his wife were struggling, and we were out and ended up making out a few times. I'm not proud of that, but it was shut down rather quickly and we went back to just friend status. And basically didn't talk for several years except a random text here or there when it was appropriate. Nothing but love and support for one another. 

Well, several months ago I get a text from him. We'll call him Jay Jay, because that was the nickname I gave him back in the day (short for Va-jay jay lol. THAT is the kind of friendship we had. Fun and teasing.)  As a reminder, it had been years since I'd seen him. He asked if I wanted to get together and catch up and told me he was living in a houseboat now. I said, sure! But I didn't think much of it. We met up for a drink and some food and when I saw him I immediately flashed back to the old feelings of attraction I had for him. But it was weird because it felt new yet also familiar, which felt good for me. Not just some dude on Tinder that you don't know that you have all these expectations with. I figured he was likely no longer married if he was living on the river now, but I didn't want to assume, so I kept everything very platonic. At the end of our meetup he did mention that he was divorced now... 

A couple of weeks later I see him on Tinder. I didn't swipe on him, but I got a text from him telling me he saw me on Tinder and he joked and asked if I was his type. And told me he'd take me on any fun dates that I wanted. I basically said, Just let me know! And I left the ball in his court. 

Shortly after that he asked me to meet up again. This time we had dinner at Edgefield (all dog friendly meetings) and we chatted for a few hours and called it a night. Still very platonic at this point and just nice to catch up with an old friend. I was still dating around and not thinking much about it. 

I noticed we started sending more texts here and there and instead of chatting every few weeks it started to turn into every few days. He made it very clear through his texts that he was interested but trying to play it cool and that he had a lot of regrets from his past in how he treated me and other people he loved in his life. But I also made it clear that I just wasn't sure how I felt. 

We made a plan for a third meetup/date. This time it was more of an exciting type date. And actually my favorite date. Kennedy School soaking pool. Yessss. Why is this date so good!? Especially when it's still colder weather and even with some slight sprinkling. I can't remember which month we went there but it was definitely still cold so that was great. 

He got a hotel room so we could stay as long as we wanted because otherwise you're limited to an hour. We changed in his room and went to bar and grabbed a drink and then went to the pool. We went on like a Wednesday right after work, so it wasn't too crowded. We ended up being in the soaking pool for hours and had 2-3 drinks over that time. We kissed for the first time and massaged each other's shoulders a bit, and we were turning strangers into friends. He seemed to be more into initiating the stranger conversations but it was fun and I didn't look too much into it. It was also a lot at the same time. Went from zero to a hundred rather quickly, but my guard was still up. I was enjoying my time, and listening to him tell me all the things that I deserve and how he has had strong feelings about me for years and followed me on social media, etc. It was kind of weird because it was like he knew what I had been up to for years, but I didn't know what he had been up to. So it felt a little unbalanced in terms of feelings. 

I didn't stay the night with him that night, FYI. I went home later in the evening when I sobered up. Pretty sure he went home too. But that evening definitely opened the door to something, what I wasn't sure of yet. 

Shortly after, things seemed exciting. I was excited to have a new interest. Again, it felt familiar. And I knew there was attraction, respect and feelings, so I started getting more intrigued at this possibility, all while still guarding my heart knowing he had only been divorced for a year and I'm sure had a lot to process on his own. 

The next week or so he asked if I wanted to go to a networking event together. We work in the same industry and I thought, that would be really fun. I literally never bring a plus one to anything like that, and how fun would it be to have someone go with you that cares about you, and you them, all while knowing they can hold their own in this setting. I was excited. And thought what a perfect idea! 

So, I put him down as my plus one. And it was set. The day before the event, I get a text from my toxic ex I mentioned earlier... we can just call him "Toxic." that he had an extra ticket to the Kevin Hart show the same night as the networking event. I told him that I actually had a date that night, and then he graciously offered to give me the tickets for me and Jay Jay. I thought, a little weird to accept that, but also, sounds really fun and if I'm already going to be out let's just make it a fun night! I was excited to be dating someone again that I was interested in because it just doesn't happen very often. I asked Jay Jay if he was down and he was! Yay! 

About an hour before the networking event I got a text from Jay Jay that he wasn't going to be able to make either event. Bummer city. He and his teenage daughters were going through the transition of divorce and what their relationship looks like post divorce and he had to be there for them. I totally understood, but I remember feeling so bummed that night. This was the first night that I got excited and was starting to see some real potential. He of course apologized that he had to go out of town for his daughters and that he would make it up to me and take me to a Blazer game. 

I shrugged it off, but was already dressed up with nowhere to go (except my networking event.) I let "Toxic" know that I no longer needed the tix, and that I was ditched last minute, so of course, Toxic swooped in and said let's go. And I was feeling vulnerable enough to say yes. 

I had a great time with Toxic, as I always do, and we probably made out that night (actually don't recall lol). But, I was still thinking about Jay Jay. And this is a toxic trait of mine, but I think I wanted Jay Jay even more after he ditched me. Brains can also be toxic ha ha. 

I decided to get vulnerable and let Jay Jay know that I missed him at the event and that I wished he were there. And then all of a sudden he was coming into town from his event and said he wanted to see me. I was at a different event that night but all dressed up again and feeling sexy, so we met at a bar on his way home from town. He was late because he dropped his keys in the water at the house boat and his neighbor had to rescue his keys. It was a cute story, and I'm pretty sure I was ovulating when I saw him, so I felt especially close to him that night. It was crazy. It was like we were 2 lovebirds in a corner booth and it was intoxicating. I was really starting to develop feelings for Jay Jay and getting excited about the possibilities, again still guarding my heart. 

The next time I saw him was at another bar. we met at a dive bar and this time felt different. He got vulnerable with me and told me he was in love with me and that he had been for years. Mind you, he was having some drinks and it's hard to say what is true coming from someone who is drinking, but he definitely used very strong verbiage with me. I was Sober Sally that night so it was very interesting. He was talking about our future together and the life he envisioned for us and how he wanted to be that person to support my dreams and how we would be this power couple supporting each other. And it all did sound nice. He asked if I could envision a life with him. I told him, I wasn't sure yet, but that I wouldn't be sitting there with him if I didn't think it was in the realm of possibilities. 

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. There's a reason that is a saying. You know, I wanted to believe him. I really did. But damn. things changed very quickly after that night. 

He sobbed in my arms that night about how remorseful he was for his past behavior. He had a friggin GREAT line that his daughters were number 1 but that I was 1A.  I felt loved and cared for. But also, on guard. He talked about some troubles with his ex wife the way someone would who is still not moved on from that trauma. So deep in my gut, I didn't feel like he was quite ready. And that was okay with me, because neither was I. I just really wanted to get to know him again and see what this was if anything and I was open to the possibilities. 

Fast forward a week or two and I am pretty sure it was his idea to hang out with my friends. I thought it was a great idea. What better way to vet a relationship than to introduce them to your friends and see the dynamic. So I asked him what his schedule was to make sure he had no obligations with his daughters that night and we scheduled game night around HIS schedule. And guess what? He literally cancelled like an hr or two before. Damn. It was for his daughters but this time he didn't say why. And look, I want to be understanding but damn, it still hurts. And when that happens and Jay Jay says he's going to make it up to me but then doesn't make any plans to, it sucks. 

Feeling a bit defeated, but still hopeful. STILL trying to be understanding. I ended up booking myself a vacation to Mexico. And I just threw it out there. Want to get away? I mean, what better way then to really test your chemistry than to spend a week together on a vacay?! I was cool to go by myself because I usually go on vacations by myself anyway. And he made it seem like he was really interested. But he had a surgery that was scheduled over that time and it couldn't be moved again. I was bummed and knew I'd likely be thinking about him while on this trip, but still determined to have a good time. 

Well, Christmas rolls around and I'm a huge holiday person. I got a "Merry Christmas" text from him. And honestly it seemed a bit cold. You tell someone the week before that you see a future with them and want to be a power couple, and then you slightly ghost them over the holiday weekend. Just odd behavior. So I was now starting to feel a little insecure and wanted some validation. You can tell me a million times that you're feeling one way, but at this point the actions point to a different direction. So we hop on  a phone chat that I thought went well. He said he didn't want to screw this up and that he really wanted to do this right with me, which I really appreciated. And so he decided that I should go have fun in Mexico, he was going to have his surgery and then when he was recovered we would spend some quality time together. This was HIS idea. So I agree. 

I go to Mexico and he's on my mind the whole time. I wish he was there with me several times but I don't text him because he asked for space. Some more time goes on and it's now been a couple months since his surgery and I haven't heard from him. I did look up his instagram to make sure he was alive and he changed his profile pic so I knew he was. So I decided to reach out. I asked him if he was okay and wondered why I hadn't heard from him. Nothing. I haven't heard from him again. It's been over 5 months since I heard from him.

Just add another F boy to my list! FML! lol. I laugh, but also, that's totally F'd. Just say what you mean, and mean what you say. And at 50, why are you playing games with my heart? (insert Backstreet Boys lyrics)...

So yeah. It definitely opened up the can of worms for Toxic to make an appearance in my life for a couple months, but I finally cut that off for good. Thank gawd! Haven't heard from Jay Jay.  Actually signed up for a matchmaker in Portland, so we'll see if I get a date out of that. But I am staying away from the apps and just living my best life on my own and if someone is meant to walk by my side they will show up. And if not, it's me and my pup and I'm also cool with that too. :) 

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