It's now been 3 1/2 week since Lumberjack and I split. And today, I'm feeling great and whole! I've been filling my life with so many projects and feel great about what I'm doing. No ball and chain holding me back. lol My life moves very quickly if you haven't noticed. :) In the last 2 weeks I had 2 amazing men surface and resurface into my life.
Y'all remember Silver Fox. We dated for a few months, he was a jerk and abandoned me when he didn't like some adversity. He didn't speak to me for two whole weeks. Never broke up with me. And then he called one day after two weeks and wanted me back. By then I had already grieved the loss of that relationship and decided that I wanted something more than someone who would just disappear in the face of adversity. Life isn't always rainbow and butterflies... but I need a ride or die.
We broke up last February. We probably didn't speak for a couple months. He was blocked from everything. Then I got a message out of the blue on my website contact form. Telling me he missed me and he was sorry. I told him I appreciated the message and that if he wanted a friendship I was willing to do that but that if he was expecting a romance again, that ship had sailed. He seemed to be good with that. So we became friends again. Slowly.
He showed up to a couple of my shows. And then I asked him to work on a project with me. He did craft services for a couple of film gigs. And it was a nice supportive friendship. Rewind to a couple of months ago when I met Lumberjack, I posted online "I might have just had my last first date." I got a text from Silver Fox almost immediately with the thumbs down emoji. He said it hurt his heart too much to see that post and that he was still holding on to some kind of hope for us even though I already told him the ship had sailed. I didn't really know how to respond since I was feeling so smitten with Lumberjack. Silver Fox said he was going to un-follow my social media and to not take it personal. All I could say was that I understand and he should do what's best for him.
Fast forward to Halloween. I'm feeling pretty vulnerable having come off a breakup with Lumberjack. My sister invited me to her house Halloween party so I got dressed up for the occasion. I knew it wouldn't be a big party and mostly children but I was still down to get out of the house since I'd been under the weather and the covers all day! I'm on my way to my sisters and I get a text from her saying the party is off but I can still come over for dinner. lol. Well I was already on my way, so I was definitely still going over for dinner.
My sister happens to live near Silver Fox and since it was going to be a low key night I decided to text him and see if he had Halloween plans. And if not, we could meet up at a dive bar for a drink and celebrate the holiday together. His plans fell through too, so we met up! It was actually really great to see him. We had 2 drinks, and I said no more because I was driving home that night. He suggested we Uber back to his place and he can bring me to my car in the morning and I can stay on his couch so we could have fun tonight. That sounded great to me! We bar hopped and got another round and were having a ton of fun together. Well, you know how it goes with exes. We get back to his place and we both knew I wasn't going to be sleeping on the couch. lol. It was a good night, lots of snuggles and kisses and I really did enjoy my time with him. But I was also not in a great place to make any decisions on that front.
That Friday I had a music gig and so did he. But he showed up for the last 10 minutes of my gig after he was done with his even when he had to be on the road first thing in the morning to go on tour. It was really sweet. When he finally left it was like a movie... I ran out to his car and opened his driver door and just started passionately kissing him and then sent him on his way. It was pretty romantic, but my heart still wasn't really sure what it was doing. It was feeling very confused. But also felt comfort with Silver Fox. I know that he actually respects me as a person as he's been putting in a lot of work to just be my friend after telling him I didn't want more. And it's been months of that. So that really means something to me.
Well I was already on Tinder and was already planning to meet with a rando that weekend while Silver Fox was out of town. And to my surprise I actually ended up meeting a great guy. Super attractive. Good chemistry. We went to a bar for a drink, and then were having so much fun we rented a scooter together and went to another bar and watched some live music. And then we had a lovely kiss goodnight. I wasn't mad. But I was feeling a little guilty about the Silver Fox situation. But also, just really mourning the loss of Lumberjack too. This guy was a personal trainer and also had a great beard. We'll just call him "Trainer."
So Trainer and I went out again and had dinner and a drink and then decided to end the night early so we could have a day date the next day. We went up to gorge to walk along the sand and then we hiked Bridal Veil falls, then we went back into town and got some lunch and then walked at a park, all with my pup. It was a lovely day! I enjoyed his company. But something just was off. I don't know if it's because I was just not that into him, or if I felt bad that I was on a date with him for Silver Fox's sake, or if I just missed my ex. Probably a combination.
Trainer kept texting me to hang out again and I was just kind of avoiding it until finally I texted him back that he should move on. Timing just wasn't right. That's all I know for sure was the reason. My heart was also building a soft spot again for Silver Fox. Not really sure what that was or is... but I'm not going to push it. But what I do know, is that today I feel great! I feel free from the pain of Lumberjack and I feel excited for the future! And I'm curious to see what the future holds with Silver Fox. All I know is that there is mutual respect there, and I really can get behind that.
And since I love dating blogs and the bachelor/bachelorette it's only natural for me to produce my own local dating reality show (with a bachelorette other than myself!) I can't wait to plan more and to finally check that off my bucket list. Hopefully the Bachelor will hire me once they see how amazing I do! :) Life is Beautiful! <3
Dallas Brown is a pop country singer song-writer livin the dream!