Well you will be glad (or not) to know that I DID hear from Silver Fox. He texted me somewhere a few days later saying he missed me and that "we need to make some plans babe." This was after he saw that I posted a video of me singing a song suggesting I wasn't sure where we were at. lol. He literally liked my post and texted me a second after. #GotHim lol Sometimes you just have to Taylor Swift someone for them to get it. ;)
So we made plans for Saturday and Sunday of last week. Friday night I texted to confirm plans and he was in shock about our plans for Saturday and had made plans to go to the beach instead. I pretty much let him know that that was super disrespectful to not value my time and that I wake up early or stay up later getting the things I need to get done in a day in order to make time to see him, so when he cancels plans that is complete disrespect. And I do it not because I have to but because I want to. His explanation that was in his mind when he said we should hang Saturday and Sunday he thought that meant one or the other. Which btw, it doesn't. lol. But in any case I decided to make plans for Sunday with someone else because I wasn't being shown the respect that I deserved. I made a 2nd date with the guy I'd seen the week before. The one that was a film maker that I had a connection with but was still deciding my attraction level on.
I let Silver Fox know that I'd made plans for Sunday already and that if he wanted to see me at all that day he would have to see me between kickball and my evening plans (which happened to be another date). I had about a 3 hr window where he could see me. So, to my surprise he jumped on it. He called me right when I was done with kickball (yes he actually picked up the phone!) and asked to meet me. So he met me at the bar where the teams were celebrating the sunny day! I had my wiener, Harri with me. And then after we had a drink at that bar we went to visit my Aunt at her bar and that was super fun. Then him, me and my Aunt went to a dive bar to watch some live music. The funny part was, I was still wearing my knee pads from kickball. I was dirty and sweaty, and didn't care that I was going to be arriving to my 2nd date with the other dude like that. I wanted to be in that moment with Silver Fox for as long as I could. The way he'd touch my back. Or randomly kiss me. Seriously it's all the things that I hope for from a partner in the physical touch regard. It's not too much. But just enough to keep you wanting more. Which made me so mad at myself for enjoying it because I was supposed to be mad at him. But he just has a way with me when I see him in person. It's not fair really. ;)
Fast forward to my date with the other guy that night. It was okay. I mean, I enjoyed the live music that I saw with him. And was having a nice time. But didn't think too much of it. He asked if I wanted to go back to his place to watch a documentary. And it was early enough so I decided to join for a bit, with every intention of going home afterwards. And to be honest, I had been drinking with Silver Fox all day. Drank at my Kickball game before that. And went to a Scentsy party that morning and had mimosas. So by the time I was at this dudes house I was pretty toasted. He went in for the kiss and it was just super awkward. I remember thinking to myself as he's kissing me, "How do I get out of this?" And as I'm thinking that the next thing I know is this guy grabs me and lifts me on top of him. Almost IMMEDIETLY I get off him and ask him to cool it. He does. And I fall asleep. Next thing I remember is being carried to his bed. Literally I'm so exhausted from the long day and with the alcohol I'm not really as coherent as I'd like to be and he carries me to his bed and lifts me on top of him again and starts trying to make out with me. Like dude, I already told you no. And you're doing it again. Like he just didn't get the hint. I finally came to and got myself the F out of there and went home. It was so awkward and uncomfortable and he had no idea.
Which brings me to another topic that is kind of a hot button issue right now. The Aziz Azari thing. Or however you spell his name. I'm sure you've read the article about the girl who was sexually assaulted by him. And he had no idea. Some people agree and some people disagree. But it struck a hard chord with me because I literally was just in her shoes and I thought you know what? Instead of being part of the problem and not letting a guy know verbally that he was in the wrong I'm going to go ahead and let him know that I was uncomfortable with the way he was coming on to me especially after asking him to cool it. Wanna know what his response was, "I can't read minds." Well yeah, that's why in the moment I told you. Ya know? If someone is even the slightest bit hesitant. Take THAT as your answer. You never want to have a sexual encounter with someone that you're not really sure if they're into it or not. Don't assume that because you're into it that they are too. And that's the take away. For me, I need to be more vocal in the moment about it instead of trying to be nice (which btw women have been conditioned to do and it's not easy breaking that.). But no more. I'm speaking up even if the guy doesn't want to hear it and you should too. And guys, please listen. He had actually texted me the next morning something flirty like the night before wasn't super awkward. And to his defense, he WAS apologetic when I first told him. But when I didn't agree to have another date with him is when he got salty and told me he wasn't a mind reader. Don't be that guy.
Back to Silver Fox. Who has never ONCE made me feel uncomfortable or pushed me into something he wasn't sure we were both into. So yes, it's possible for men to behave well. This slimy guy from the night before was making Silver Fox look pretty shiny! And when Silver Fox invited me to his house the next night to watch the Bachelor and made me vegetarian enchiladas he was now my knight in shining armor and didn't even know it. Such a breath of fresh air. And we watched a WAY better movie this time. Well actually it had some dirty humor but I thought it was hilarious. Bad Grandpa or something. With Robert Dinero and Zac Effron. Hilar! And he asked me to spend the night and I was more than happy to. Felt good. We had a lovely evening, and even lovelier morning and no boundaries were pushed too far. Like, Men- take notes!
As you can imagine, this whole Silver Fox thing was leaving me feeling so confused. I have this great man right in front of me, that just is confusing the hell out of me. Does he like me? Maybe he really likes me? Or wait, he's showing signs of being not that into me. But then goes ahead and makes me dinner and treats me right and then I'm left wondering how I could think he wasn't into me. So many conflicting signals! He sucks at communication when we don't see each other, which is probably working to his advantage in a total F'd up way. It's literally making me crazy not getting a good read on him. And probably making me like him more. Ugh. lol.
So I just might as well ask him what is up, "cause I'm tired of asking myself. Are we just a backseat tryin' to get it while we can? Are we names in a tattoo or just a number on a hand? Are last call kissin or will we be reminiscin' with each other for the next 40 years? Are we written in the stars baby? Or are we written in the sand?" Old Dominion. Great song. And SO relevant for me right now!
Tuesday-Thursday go by and we don't see each other but there's a TINY more communication in between lol. SO I see him Friday night. He really wants to see me but I literally have zero time that week. Which totally sucked. But I want him to know that I am going to value his time and make the effort because that's important to let someone know you're making the effort. We're all busy, but we can make time for those that we want to see. Period. Plan was to see him after class Friday but I got a wrench thrown in the plans. My teacher gave me an assignment due the next morning at 9am. I called him (yes, I picked up the phone too) and let him know I was going to have to do my homework that night. But that even if I only saw him for an hour I was going to finish and make it happen because he was worth it to me. So that's what I did. I saw him. We met at a Harri friendly pub and had a beer together. And I just straight out asked him, "what are your intentions with me?' I think I caught him a little off guard with the question but I didn't care. I wanted to know, and the only way I was gonna know was to ask him.
He got a little squirmy but then went on to tell me that he would love to date me exclusively and that he hopes that I want that too. And turns out I do. :) He was also super cute and told me that when he went beer tasting with me and my family that he went back to his favorite brewery and when they asked him who he was with it was natural for him to say his gf and her family. Even though technically wasn't his gf. And I don't think being exclusive means that I am either right? Eek. lol. It just means that we're dating each other only now in hopes that it can get there? Am I right? No, really... is that correct? lol. Or am I going to be out with him next week and him introducing me as his gf? I didn't really think that one through. I was just thinking exclusive. But, I guess I'll find out like I did when we went on our first date and I didn't know it until he blurted it out loud to the band. ha ha.
He also mentioned that night that since he'd met some of my family it would be nice for me to meet some of his. I thought that was cute. And he actually said that even before I asked him what his intentions were. :) Things seem to be moving in a positive direction for me and this handsome Silver Fox. And I'm not mad about it! But I won't lie... his lack of texting communications skills is about to drive this old lady insane! So we still need to sort that out. But we had a lovely lunch today and I'm going to his house tomorrow night for the Bachelor again where he's making me baked beets! And then Tuesday we're going to hike Forest Park together with Harri. So I'm happy to say that things are going well for this Bumble Bee and that I am no longer on Bumble. And I can't say where it's going to go or if his texting is going to get better or not. (I hope so!) But I'm very much willing to put in the effort to find out. So now that Silver Fox and I have decided to be exclusive this dating blog probably won't be as entertaining (or much appropriate either)... Which means I'll be signing off. But hopefully I can find something just as entertaining to blog about so you don't miss me too much! ;) Kisses! Thanks for joining me on this crazy dating journey! And also, I hope more than anything it's been motivating for some of you to put yourselves out there cause you never know when a silver fox might surprise you! <3
Wow... So much to catch you up on since NYE. I had 2 dates with 2 dudes yesterday... but let me tell you how I got there...
I did spend the NYE evening with Silver Fox. We hung out at his place and we walked around like we had talked about. What I didn't realize is that we were walking around to bars. lol. I mean, I just went with it. I thought it was going to be a low key night. And it sort of was but more alcohol was involved than I was originally planning on. Trying to just be in the moment I went with it though. And we ended up at this one bar playing ping pong and it was really fun! He was pretty good so the games stayed competitive which is more fun IMO.
We probably left the bars by 11pm and were feeling pretty sauced. Then went back to his house where he had champagne and we toasted to the new years and had a lovely kiss! It was actually pretty wonderful. I was having a great time and he asked if I wanted to stay over. So I did. We spooned and smooched for the next few hours and then I had to be up in only a few hrs after that for my New Years Day hike so it's safe to say I got zero sleep. Totally worth it though. It felt nice to be next to someone besides my dog at night. ha ha. Although my dog IS pretty great. Not quite the same. ;)
So the New Year was looking good for me and Silver Fox. I got off Bumble not because we had the talk to be exclusive but because it felt like that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to focus my energy on him and not worry about other dudes messaging me. Unfortunately for us I had to leave on Wednesday for Nashville. I want to say on Tuesday the 2nd we met for lunch and I brought Harri and it was nice... but maybe didn't feel all romantic. Probably because it was day time and less alcohol was involved... at least for me! He definitely got himself a beer! Which, whatever I don't wanna judge. But he did give me a schpeal on New Years how his new years resolution was to give up Beer. It didn't even last 2 days. lol.
We walked around to the music shop down the street. And that was nice too. And when we were done I got a peck goodbye and I was going to be gone for a long weekend in Nashville after that.
So our first time away from each other. Not really sure what to expect. But it was weird for me because the communication between us via text was at a minimum. Which it usually is when I'm in town too, but the difference is that we see each other so it sort of makes up for it. Honestly, I just got the vibe that he's not that into me which made me get the vibe to be not that into him. Hard to say if that's the right way to feel, but I'm learning to trust my gut more.
So we planned to hang out when I got back. Monday night to watch the Bachelor. At this point it's almost been a week since we've seen each other. Which is already 1/3 of the amount of time we've actually known each other. So although it's not that long, it was a long time based on how much we'd hung out. And when I got to his house we were kind of making small talk and it was a little awkward. Trying to figure out how to be around each other. So I was breaking the silence and said, I missed seeing ya when I was gone. Literally just making small talk and trying to say something nice. And his response was, " It was ONLY 4 days.'' Really bud? I just tried to say something sweet to you and you're gonna come at me with that? You don't have to say it back, but just say, "aww. that's sweet." Or something?! NOT, " Really? How pathetic?" I mean, that's what his response felt like and I was not having it. I didn't say anything. But I was totally turned off by his response to that. So that set the tone weird for the night already.
So I was already turned off by his lack of communication with me while I was gone and then he went ahead and made me feel dumb for being nice. So it was going to be hard for him to recover. He offered me a drink while I was there and had stuff for my favorite drink at his house. Which is hot water, vodka and lemon. It was really nice and potentially intentional for him to have that. But I have had drinks with him almost every time we've hung out so I opted to only have one. I wanted to stay sober. And he continued drinking. So it was a weird dynamic being sober, having been away from him for a while and not sure how to come back into the situation. And then it was a turn off that he was drinking when I wasn't. And after the Bachelor we put on this awful movie. It was called Brothers Grimm. Super weird and not romantic at all so there was no right time in the movie to sneak a make out sesh in. We were half spooning on the couch but my neck was all crinked and I have a pinched nerve today probably because of that. Just the whole evening was awkward.
I let him know my neck was hurting and said he could rub it if he wanted. He half assed a rub (Which was also annoying because I gave him a nice neck rub the other night when he was sore)... and it just was not feeling right for me. He told me I could stay over if I wanted and that it was my call. Hmm... that's one thing that I don't do. I do not do anything unless I am invited and asked. But saying, I can if I want is not the same as asking me if I will because you want me to. So I opted to go home around 1am. I went to give him a kiss goodbye and even Harri didn't like it. He started barking at him as we kissed. And the kissed felt like the worst kiss we'd had yet. No passion to it. And the night just ended even more awkward than it started. Maybe it would have smoothed over had I stayed over, but honestly I don't want to stay over if I'm not being treated how I feel I should be treated. So it was just a big ol' disappointment that night.
The sad part about all of this, is that if he called me I still want to see him. Ugh... That's so annoying of myself. But I do find him super attractive and confident. And those are qualities I don't find in a lot of men, so it's really nice to feel that. But there was zero communication between us yesterday and zero today... so chances are he also felt what I felt Monday night. Maybe we end up ghosting each other? I'm stubborn and he probably is too. lol. To be continued... or not.
Needless to say yesterday I got on Bumble again. And I wanted to just meet people. Get my mind off Silver Fox and into perspective. See if I could test my luck and meet another amazing man on this site... If one is on there, there's got to be more right? Just have to be open to it! So I set up 2 coffee dates for the day. One at 3pm in NE Portland and one at 7pm at the Cascade Station Starbucks. Didn't leave room for small talk on the app just wanted to meet right away. That's the only way to know if there's actual chemistry.
So the first guy I meet, has amazing energy. Lived in LA and pursued acting for 8 years. Is into filmmaking. Owns his own photo booth business. Is really driven. And just a really really cool person to talk to. Like I found myself genuinely interested in all of his stories. And we had similar views on how to live life which was refreshing. Unfortunately I wasn't sure about the attraction level I had. He's much shorter than what I typically find attractive. Which I hate to say that. And I know it sucks being a shorter guy and having women not finding you as attractive but it's such a primal thing. Probably similar things that women have that men find attractive like long hair on women. I have short hair. I like my short hair. If a man prefers long hair he can see himself to the door!
We ended up chatting for like 2 hrs at the coffee shop and as we were leaving we were both still trying to finish our stories. I felt like if I don't date this guy we could totally be friends. and maybe just maybe the attraction would come later after getting to know each other. He gave me a kiss on the cheek goodbye which I felt was super sweet and appropriate. But when he texted me when I got home and told me I was cute, I didn't reply with you too! I replied with I love your passion! So maybe that's not what he wanted to hear, but it's what I genuinely felt. I don't know if he's going to call me again because it might have been obvious that I wasn't that into him... but again, I would not rule him out completely for the future. But I would definitely be his friend. I really liked him as a friend and could see myself doing fun projects with him some day!
On to date 2 of the evening. Didn't know much about him coming into the evening either. Oh yeah, and date 1 was 39. Forgot to mention that. So date 2 was my age. 32. Although he looked much older in person. Like he could have easily passed for 42. Which really isn't a bad thing based on my attraction scale. I like a little older looking man. He had a tiny bit of silver hair in there... but not too much. But again, great energy! Like I've really lucked out on the guys I've gotten to meet. All but the first dude I went on a date with have been pretty stand up guys! So ladies, go on Bumble. Good dudes out there!
So date 2 was cute. Good smile. Deep sexy manly voice. Super tall! I think he said 6'3". But he was REALLY skinny. Which unfortunately is another primal things that is a turn off. I don't want to date a fat dude, or a beefy dude, but I want to feel protected in a mans arms. Just the right amount of fat ratio. lol. So that was unfortunate for him. I feel like with the right connection some of these things can be overlooked. But it's hard to even have the right connection with those turn offs in place. At least on date one.
We chatted for a bit in the Starbucks and I could tell he wanted to do something afterwards. And honestly, I would have been okay with just the coffee. But I was also enjoying his company and conversation so I figured why not?! We walked over to this Italian restaurant I think. And we had a glass of wine and some appetizers and got to chat even more. I think the extra time with him might have not been the right move in his case. Like I felt more into him at the coffee shop than I did drinking wine. And not because he was less chatty at the 2nd place... but some of the stories he told me kind of gave me a gay vibe. Which more power to ya, but I'd prefer to date someone that I know is into women. And honestly he probably is into women, but just not masculine enough for me to be attracted to him. He loves salsa dancing. Even got up and showed me some salsa moves at the coffee shop. Told me he loved watching Best Man in Show the movie with Hugh Jackman and Zac Effron because "what more could he ask for with those two hotties." He was joking... but WAS he? And then he told me about a time he was dancing at Dukes the country line dancing bar with this dudes gf. He didn't know it. And the dude came up to him and asked him WTF... and he replied with "I was just trying to get to you, cutie." To the dude. He said that to the dude. And gently caressed his beard as he said it. He thought it was funny... but the dude did not and pushed him down. Honestly, it was just too many gay references. Like if you joke about it THAT many times on a first date, I'm afraid what will happen on the 2nd date! Oh and he also talked about how he loved shopping at Banana Republic. SO yeah... I gave him my number cause he was really nice. But I'll probably eventually have to tell him I'm not interested. I hate having to do that. But I have a weird feeling he won't mind that much. lol.
So I double dip dated yesterday. Still haven't heard from Silver Fox. And Still not into anybody too much. Online dating is hard. But I have faith! I'm putting myself out there. Sticking to my standards. And moving on if it's not working out! Gah, still sort of into Silver Fox though. Not sure why. But I'll know probably in the next week what will happen there. We'll either not have spoken or have hopefully figured it out by then.
Dallas Brown is a pop country singer song-writer livin the dream!