NYE... it's the big date night. The night that EVERYBODY and their mom wants to smooch someone. So last we left off I was over Silver Fox. I was excited for our "romantic" dinner and movie night lol and then was totally bummed when he decided he was tuckered out instead. To his defense I was sounding a little wishy washy... not a lot... so this is only a little... like the tiniest amount possible in his defense... ha ha. But I really just wanted him to want to take me out and was already disappointed from the lunch offer. So instead that night I met up with another guy that I talked to ages ago on the dating site Bumble. We had stayed friends on Social media and have never met up, so since I was already all dolled up I didn't want to waste my effort and stay in. So instead met with him in the movie parking lot, shared some wine, sang our hearts out to T-Swift and we saw a movie. Good movie. Good times. No romantic spark. I want to say that was Tuesday when that happened.
Fast forward to today, Sunday and a lot has happened in that time frame. Just the fact that I was reeling so hard from being dissed by Silver Fox I realized I actually am kinda into this guy more that I'd like to admit. It's one of those things that I think I (and most people probably) enjoy having the upper hand in the situation. We want the other person to be just a tad more interested so we hold the cards. But you know what? Life is short... and it's actually more fun when the deck is split 50/50. Keeps ya on your toes. Either that, or it just gives you a whole lot of unnecessary anxiety lol. I digress.
So. I want to say it was Wednesday maybe when I was SO done with him. Over it. lol. But then it got later in the day. And My stubbornness started to let up a little. My Aunt sent me this text about how she read my blog and how maybe I was being a tad too harsh on Silver Fox. And I told her. Nope. No way. I deserve better. And then about 20 minutes later I texted him. Ha ha. So funny how our minds work sometimes. And I actually felt kind of bad for being so harsh. So I just put it out there that I was basically a little butt hurt about the day before and why. He apologized and said he must have read me wrong cause he didn't feel like I was super into it and he was really tired but now wishes he would have rallied. It was nice to hear. Amazing what a little communication will do haha. And to my defense I was literally 2 seconds away from my period. If that's TMI you probably shouldn't be reading my blog. ;) I'm also on new birth control... an IUD, and I've had it in for only 2 months now so my body is still adjusting to all of the new hormones. Probably not the greatest time for a guy to be trying to get to know me. Ha! Got eeeeem!!! :p
So we have a brief text chat on Wednesday and I told him he can either call me so we can discuss (not fun to text something like that) or we can hang soon. He opted for the hang. Honestly, I can't tell if I like that or if it frustrates me. It's a little of both. Like I'm glad we're getting more face to face time then text/phone time. But when we're not face to face the lack of phone/text time is so foreign to me. It's kinda old school. Which is cool. But at the same time, I'm not sure if it's flaggy or not (as in red flags). Most people like communication through text these days. And we DID meet on an app where texting is what you do. I'm not complaining yet, because like I said we do get more face to face time than most kids these days when getting to know each other... but it's something I'm keeping my eye on... So Anyway, Thursday morning (the next day) I was going to my sisters house for a late family Christmas get together. Her fiancé's sister was in town too so it was a nice excuse to see everybody. That was a 9am brunch and I told him I'd meet up with him afterwards.
Got to my sisters a little after 9am and Bloody Mary's were being made. That sounded excellent. A little lube before meeting with Silver Fox. Peeerrrrfect! Well one bloody Mary turned into a mimosa as well and laughing with my sister, her fiancé and her fiancé's sister. We were the last 4 left at the party after the fam and all the kids cleared out and her kid was down for a nap. It was fun. I had a tiny buzz going so I opted to wait a little while to drive to see Silver Fox. You know it's gonna be a good day when at 11am you're too sauced to drive. ha ha.
I probably left my sisters place a little after noon and drove over to Silver Fox's house. He had to run an errand so I hopped in his car with him and we did that real quick. Then we went out to Mexican. I was actually pretty full from Brunch so I wasn't hungry, but why not have a Margarita? ;) When in Rome (Mexico?) lol. He decided to start trying to catch up to me too so he had a couple-a beers. It was the perfect date back after a weird moment. Nothing wrong with a little da-da-da-day drinkin! You know it's funny; Take me out at night and I won't have more than two glasses. But I just love day drinking for some reason. I just get too tired at night. ha ha. #oldladysoulproblems
We had some good conversation at lunch, then we went back to his place (I think that's what happened next lol). And I just remember finishing the afternoon on his couch having another beer, listening to some tunes, with some hockey in the background and a few smooches in between. Solid day! I had to meet up with a couple gf's for dinner that night, so we stopped the day around 5pm. ( I stopped drinking around 3). And I guess between 9am and 3 pm I only had 4 drinks total. So I didn't get sloshed. But I had a decent buzz most of the day!
The next night we were planning on maybe making up for our movie night. I was supposed to have band practice at noon and then family dinner. Well around 10am I get a call from my sister asking if I'll be the DD for her and her fiancé and his sister for a Brewery tour. I drive a party bus already so she thought I might enjoy it. And I do. I like to let other people have fun at my expense. Is that weird? ha ha My bandmate didn't want to join me so we rescheduled practice. So I just thought I'd throw it out there to Silver Fox. We had room for one more. Sorry for another day drinking offer! I promise I'm really not a big drinker! lol. BUT I wasn't going to be drinking anyway. I was driving. So he was in! Sweet! Should be fun. No pressure. It's just my sister and her fiancé and his sister are really chill. Or so I thought... My sister was like oh no, I invited Steve to come and I don't want to cancel on him. And for whatever reason I thought she meant her friend steve, not my step dad! Eek! So now, we don't have room in the car for everybody and it's not nice to uninvite anybody either. But adding my step dad to the equation just put a whole other load of pressure on the situation. And at that point I really wished we were Ubering instead of me driving. I needed the edge off of this situation bad.
I had to call Silver Fox and let him know he's still welcome, but no longer welcome to drive with us. lol. Totally felt bad about that, but I also was taking one for the team for my sister so she didn't have to be the bad guy. He still came which was cool. So when I saw him now it's a group of family and him. lol. Was not really intending it to be that way. And I was completely out of my element. I didn't know how to be affectionate and flirty in front of my family. And we're still getting to know each other. It almost felt so uncomfortable like it was a first blind date and your family just so happened to be there. AWKAAAARD. Would make for some good reality TV though... hmm. TO be continued there... He honestly didn't seem phased by it, but he was also drinking! I was stone cold sober and was pitting out like you've never seen before. You could tell it was a nervous sweat. My whole underarms were soaked when I got home. Ha ha. And there was NO way I was inviting him to family dinner after that. I'm still trying to figure out how all of that happened. I think in a way I was testing the situation. Like if you can't get along with my family or it's not natural... you're gonna be cut anyway and I'd prefer to know sooner than later on that end.
My family liked him. Oof. Which makes this all even more complicated. They never like my bf's. ha ha. And no he's not my bf. Just a guy I met only 2 weeks ago that I've sucked face with a few times and day drank with lol. Gotta keep this in perspective here. :)
I had dinner with my family that night and then went to Silver Fox's house afterward and we watched 2 movies, snuggled a little and had a nap party. We both fell asleep on his couch and he started snoring at one point. ha ha. I thought it was cute. Ask me in a few months and it might not be as cute. ;) I DID have 2 glasses of wine at his place. I felt it was only fair after he got to day drink all day. I needed to cut some of those nerves from earlier. That was an anxiety attack waiting to happen. Hopefully it wasn't too obvious on my end that I was freaking out inside. lol.
Now we're at today. Oh Saturday I worked and he had a family Christmas thing. So we are planning on hanging out for new years. Trying to keep it low key. He said he might just walk around the block a few times. ha ha. So I guess that's what I'm doing for New Years too. Normally I would have a few drinks on New Years but literally I was exploding at the toilet all day yesterday from just 2 glasses of wine the night before and still struggling a little. Maybe it wasn't the wine and it was dinner. But it makes me really nervous that I might be allergic to wine! That would be terrible! Especially considering the Bachelor on ABC start's tomorrow and that's my favorite beverage with that show! And I'm really not trying to have a blow out on this guy's toilet after 2 weeks of knowing him. Ha ha. WOULD make for a good blog though. ;)
So cheers to y'all! Happy New Year! Be safe! Don't drink and drive! And I hope you get a midnight kiss! Smooches! xoxo
Well I had a blog that I had started writing... it was going to be much nicer than this one. The guy that I went out with that Sunday in place of wiener boy. The one who swooped in his place... remember him? We had a great time at the bar dancing and enjoying a beverage and he gave me a nice kiss goodnight. Well since then we'd seen each other 3 more times! That's pretty solid. And I hadn't seen anyone in between him. Nor did I really want to. I was enjoying being interested in just him. And I was definitely interested. We have a lot in common. Both Musicians. Both have an interest in film. Both from this area. He's 39. Wants a family. And on top of it he's tall, sexy and a silver fox. Love me some silver hair on a man. oooh-wee! lol Oh and a great kisser. Definitely sparks there for me. Some real potential in my opinion. It takes a lot for me to be attracted to a man on all levels, so it was nice to feel that excitement. With that being said, I'm 32. I know who I am. I know what I'm looking for. And I know what it's like to be treated right. And unfortunately, wrong too. And aint nobody got time for that!
So let me fast forward a little. I'll save you the details of our 3 dates. But just say they were really nice. Sparks were still there. And we had a magical kiss in the snow on X-mas eve morning. Which I swear was straight out of a Nicholas Sparks novel. You can't make that shit up. And when he suggested we do dinner and a movie Tuesday night (last night) I was actually really excited. I felt like this was kind of going to be our first "real" date. Dinner and movie is reserved for someone you're into. Someone you know you'd enjoy that kind of evening with. Like a couple-y type date. And after 4 solid dates, I was ready for a little more of a romantic date. Maybe have a glass of wine with dinner, maybe a little movie theater snuggles. Just felt like it was going to be a little more intimate. So I was pumped. I wanted to feel closer to him and progress our relationship to a little less nonchalant depending how the evening went. And just FYI that does not mean sleep with him. Lol. But a little more tongue action never hurt anybody! ;)
I'd been looking forward to it since he suggested it. And a couple weeks ago when I was dress shopping for my national anthem performance I found this really cute top (See pic above) and was reserving it for a special occasion. I thought our date night would be the perfect night. I don't know about y'all but I always feel super sexy when I wear something new. It's like I'm a new me. And extra confidence on a date where you're into someone can only be a positive and set the mood for a good night. So I was pumped to wear it. I actually even wore it the night before for a few hrs at Christmas dinner to test it out. Make sure I was comfortable in it. Got opinions from my sister and step sisters about which necklace I should wear tomorrow. Everyone approved and I told them about this date I was going on. I hadn't mentioned much about him yet because anything can happen in a few dates. But after our magical snow kiss on xmas eve I was confident we were gonna have a nice date Tuesday night so I talked about him a little with the fam.
Which makes what happens next even worse... and a little embarrassing explaining that I got stood up. Yep. No date happened at all Tuesday... well at least with the silver fox (More to that story later...)... So let me break it down for you.
It was Tuesday around noon and I hadn't heard from Silver Fox yet to confirm plans for the night. I thought, maybe he's just not good at planning, so I'll help him out. I'm confident enough to not have to rely on a man to plan a date (even though it's super sexy when they do)... So I'll just check in and see what's up and maybe offer a suggestion.
I sent a text around noon asking if we were still on for the night and suggested century 16 theater at eastport plaza because Tuesday happens to be there discount movie day all day! Only $5.75 for a movie all day and night. Score! There was only one problem... when I texted him he told me he forgot he had band practice that night. from 5-7:30 or something like that. Which is right during dinner time... hmm... that's a little annoying but we could still work around that and have a nice dinner after and a later movie... at least that's what I was thinking. And then he asked if instead of dinner we could just meet right at that second for lunch and catch a movie before practice. Really, bro? Here I am excited to have a romantic dinner date with you and instead you ask me to lunch. With no time to prepare because you double booked and you want me to be super flexible with you and be ok with just being squeezed in between your plans. Now I don't know how y'all would feel about this. But It actually really hurt my feelings. And I felt like it was disrespectful to my time. And then I got to thinking that he knew he had band practice when I texted him so he very well could have messaged me as soon as he remembered and made other accommodations. Like I don't even think I would have gotten the lunch invite had I not texted him and reminded him. So it was super disappointing. I spoke to a couple of friends about this. I didn't know how to respond. And I didn't want to respond upset because that never helps anything. So I let it sit for a little bit and agreed that we could play it by ear that evening because I wasn't ready to commit to going out with him after being disrespected. But I also knew I would probably let it slide this ONCE because we're all human and I would man up and get a positive attitude and be ready for our date that evening.
Fast forward to around 7:15pm and Silver Fox texts me asking me what I was thinking. At this point I was ready to go. I had showered and dolled up a little. Put my cute top on. Had let some time pass to get over the initial let down. And I was ready to have a good time. Of course I wasn't going to put any pressure on him because I wanted him to want to see me, naturally. So I gave him multiple suggestions. Said we could just do the movie since it was past dinner time. We could grab a drink before the movie so we would have time to chat. Or if he was hungry we could just grab dinner and I could just hang since I'd already eaten... But I was ready to be flexible about it... And the last option was to reschedule if he wasn't up for it. And out of all of my suggestions that's what he chose. Said he was "tuckered out" from the holidays. Burn. I literally had to hold back my tears. Maybe I'm a little more sensitive than most, but they were real feelings nonetheless. After already being let down earlier to a double let down, I was just done. Feeling defeated a little bit. I wanted to just have a drink, honestly. By myself...
I instead decided to not let someone else's decisions ruin my night. I got on FB messenger and messaged a guy who I had matched with on the Bumble dating app over a year ago and we were FB friends. We both dated other people since we matched and never really thought much about it. But recently he has been hitting me up and asking me out. And it just hadn't worked out yet, so I thought I would just reach out to see what he was doing. Literally the night before he messaged me to go out Tuesday and I told him I was going out with someone else that I was pretty interested in and excited. So I explained how disappointed I was that I got stood up and he wanted to make me feel better. And I was okay with that. I said, meet me at the theater with a bottle of wine. lol. So that's what he did.
We'll call this guy old school. Since I met him a while back. So old school met me at the theater a half hr before the movie Jumanji started. We went to buy our tickets but it was sold out. So we decided on watching Father Figures instead. With an hr to kill now before the movie started we went out to his car and I got to vent about what happened and he told me how beautiful I looked and how guys that respect you and are into you don't do those sorts of things. So I felt a little justified in my feelings. And we honestly had so much fun. We blasted Taylor swift songs for the next hour and had a sing a long where we both knew all the words and it was hilarious and just what I needed all at the same time. Absolutely no pressure.
So we watched the movie. And it was quite good. Funny and heartfelt. And overall good!I'm glad I didn't let something crappy ruin my night of fun and dress up! lol. During the movie Old School was holding my hand and leaned over to kiss me at one point. It was nice but honestly I just wasn't ready for it. I was still reeling from the disappointment from the other guy so the timing unfortunately was off for him. And I didn't feel a romantic spark with him. Hell of a good guy though. I would totally hang out with him again on a friend level. And really he was my angel last night and made me feel really good when I was feeling pretty crummy. So now, I'm kind of over Silver Fox. Super bummed about how it all went down. But when people show you who you are you have to believe them. And my counselor has been telling me that my gut is never wrong. When you see a flag, listen to it. Trust yourself. And yes, I'm seeing a counselor. I think everyone should. It's such a healthy thing to do! Speaking of, I'm off to go see her right now. Hope everyone had an amazing Christmas with their friends and family! Looks like there will likely be more up"dates" to come! :)
Now that the weekend has come to an end, I should have had my first date with the trump lover but he totally ghosted me. For those of you that don't know that term, it's when someone just disappears. It's as if they're a ghost. Just stop responding or communicating all together with no explanation. And I try really hard not to do that to other people, but when there's 100+ guys sitting in your que it's really easy to accidentally do. So shout out to all of the guys out there I've ghosted! M'bad!!
This weekend ended up being crazy busy anyway. I worked Friday night driving a party bus, Saturday all day I went wedding dress shopping with my sister, and Sunday... well... what did I do Sunday? I feel like I did something that morning but can't remember for the life of me. Regardless... It was Sunday evening... oh wait! Yes, it was my other sister's birthday on Sunday and we went and saw the movie, Coco. I think it's Pixar? The cutest movie you will see in a long time. Surprisingly super good. Highly recommend. And as a musician and someone chasing their dreams it was also super inspiring for that! :) Go see it!
Anyway, where was I at? Right, so Sunday was going to be a good day for me. The reason being is that I took a shower. lol. Well, a bath actually. Basically, I got ready for the day which in the winter months is never a guarantee. I just want to stay in my warm pj's all day snuggling my wiener. But I had some mascara and lipstick on for the day, so that was a score! And bonus points, jeans! So since I already was ready for the day I figured I might as well go online and see who wants to date me! ha!
I went on to Tinder and posted that I was looking for a date for the evening. And in all honesty it's probably better to go on the dating sites at the time you DO feel like going out, otherwise whoever you've just "matched" with will likely get lost in the crowd.
I made my first match with someone who was chatting me up. We'll call him Wiener boy. lol. He basically was telling me how obsessed with my wiener dog he was and that he wanted to meet us! And asked when he could take my boy, Harri to Tin Shed. Now if you don't already know, Tin Shed is the best place in town to take your pup! It actually has a menu for the dogs including a desert menu with homemade dog ice cream. It's a treat. And the outdoor seating is completely closed in with heaters! So when he asked me that, I thought he was definitely the one for the night. I was so impressed with how much he wanted to include Harri. And we started making plans for the night, but he only wanted to go anywhere that was right next to his house. Said that, "Tin Shed would be too packed tonight." I was hearing a lot of excuses but trying to just go with it because I was feeling spontaneous. And about to meet with a brand new match instead of one of the 100's in my que. So finally we picked a spot, and it was close to him. I was willing to make the drive... until he spoiled it. I said, "Wanna just meet there?" And he said, "Sure, it's not far for me." Ok... well if the only reason you're willing to meet me tonight is because it's not far from you. You're getting cut. Scissors are coming out and you deserve to be ghosted. I said, how about a rain check? And he was so quick to jump on the "Sounds great!" Don't be so excited to cancel plans with me! Gah! lol. Then he said he basically was just excited to meet Harri but he'd settle to meet me. ha ha. I mean, I can hardly blame him though. Harri is pretty great and better than humans. But at least fake it! We sent a couple wiener dog gifs after that and that was that...
So I was literally ready to call it a night. And about two seconds away from putting on my sweatpants when I got an inbox message on my FB. This guy had added me on FB about a week and a half ago. I couldn't tell if he added me from a site we had potentially matched on or if he was adding me because we were both musicians in town (He's a drummer)... and We had been sort of just shooting the breeze for the last week talking about music and what not. We were supposed to meet up for coffee to "talk music" so I think I just sort of assumed it wasn't a date. And that he was just networking. Which I'm totally down for because I'm in the market for a permanent drummer lol.
So anyway, he hits up my inbox and tells me he's free Monday or Wednesday day. And unfortunately I had already ditched out on him this weekend for emergency wedding dress shopping for my sister. I figured, I'm not going on a date tonight so I asked, "what are you doing now?"... He was in Sellwood area I think and was totally cool about picking a spot between us (maybe a little closer to him but I didn't mind cause it was at a place I'd been wanting to check out.) We went to Landmark Saloon. It's a place that has some classic old timey country music nightly. So I've been wanting to check out the scene for a while!
I showed up and he bought me a drink right away... and I was thinking... ohhh... this guy is actually pretty cute. And tall! Allllriiiiight. ;) I had some type of vanilla flavored beer. It wasn't bad. And we started chatting about life and family. And it was good conversation. But I still wasn't thinking too much about it. And wasn't sure if we were on a date or not. That is until I got up to pee and he blurts out loud to the band that we're on our first date! Ha. Okay! Thank you for that! At least we can be on the same page. He had a couple more drinks than I did, but I wanted to stay sober and just try not to have any beer goggles on.
I could tell he was feeling a little more loose. Not sloppy or anything but he was reaching over and touching my arm and shoulder. And I was actually into it. The physical touch felt nice but not over the top. At the end of the night he asked me to dance for the last song. He wasn't good. ha ha. But he was still really cute about it and enjoying himself and that was really fun! and I made him dip me at the end! Good times!
The band finished up around midnight and we called it. He walked me to my car and made fun of it for the ducktape holding it together. Said, "REAL classy!" But I'm pretty sure he was being playful about it... at least I hope... eek! He then gave me a hug and went in for the kiss! And I didn't deny it. Again though I hadn't been drinking as much as him I wasn't feeling as loose. But he was a good kisser. We didn't tongue or anything but it was really soft and gentle and quite nice! :)
He said he was going to try and make it to my show Thursday night, so I hope he does and doesn't end up ghosting me. From going from not thinking I'm on a date, to having a pretty rad date I'd say my Sunday was a win! I would 100 percent see this guy again. OH! And to give you the back story. I went back on Bumble and saw that we matched on the 7th of December and had a nice brief chat and so it made sense that we were on our "first date." But guys, literally that's how easy it is to not know who you're talking to on these sites. So please don't be offended for being ignored or for a little bit because until you make a deeper impression it's really hard to remember 100+ strangers! No offense!
Match Made In Pants Up"DATE"
Welp. I went on another coffee date this afternoon. I feel like I just need to keep knocking them out because I have so many to go through and the longer I wait on each of them, the more likely they are to get bored and unmatch me or vice-versa. This guy I think was a recent match. He literally said a few things to me on Bumble. And then said, wanna meet? Now, normally it wouldn't be THAT easy. But I was just in that kind of mood and made the plan! Plus it helped that it was the middle of the afternoon and I had no other plans holding me back.
So this guy seemed decent looking from his pics. Not crazy attractive. A little bit longer hair. But not like man-bun long. More like an awkward grow out after a bad haircut long. He's also 42 I think. Maybe 41. I have my match settings to only see people from 31-42 I believe. I started out with 32 to 39... but #options.
I will say before the "date" I was really dreading it. Like "Do I have to put pants on right now" And "Oh man, my dog is snuggling with me on the couch... I don't want to have to lose this place.
But alas, I still put my pants on and went. It's not nice to ditch and I try really hard not to do that. Plus, maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised!
So we met at a coffee shop in SE. Rain or Shine Coffee. Was a cute little joint. The second I saw him in person I knew he was on the not as cute side of the online pictures scale. But he wasn't terrible looking. Just a normal average dude. And to be honest, conversation wasn't bad. He seemed like a really nice human being. But things started to get a little awk. He was asking me if I liked to cook. And really I don't. I don't really mind cooking but it's not my thing. So then he said, "Do you eat out a lot then." And my answer was also no. lol. I could tell he was like umm...okay... ha ha but I didn't really want to shout out that I come home to a cooked meal every night from my roommate, who happens to be my mom. ha ha. I'm so that person. Gah! The one that I'm sure some guy is blogging about right now... something like "She was cute, but then we met and she told me she lives at home in her moms basement and thinks she's a rockstar." Lol. Shoot! I'm the stereotype! And to be honest, it's embarrassing to admit! I wish I could afford my own place.... but such things take time... so anyway... back to MY version of the date! ;)
The date was starting to wrap up right around the 1 hr mark. Which is right around when the awkward pauses happen. Nobody had any more surface level questions left so somebody has to wrap it up. He said, I'd like to see you again. And I said, yeah sounds good. And then he caught me off guard with, "Well what did you have in mind?" Um.. dude, I don't know. YOU'RE the one who just said you wanted to see ME again. I haven't been planning our second date this meeting. It was super awkward and honestly felt like he was judging me based off what my idea of a second date would be. And at that point I really just wanted to say my 2nd date will take place on my couch. Not with you. But with my dog... lol.
Needless to say we walked out and he commented on my shoes and jacket saying we were matching. So I'll call this guy; Match-made-in-pants since I decided to wear pants. :)
Honestly, if he called or messaged me I MIGHT see him again just cause he seemed like a decent human. But if I had to be honest, no sparks flew. And the end just got weird. So if he doesn't message, nothing lost. And I certainly won't be messaging him. On to the next! Still kind of excited to meet the guy who likes Trump. Which is surprising. But I'll go with it! And that's today's up"date"!!!! :) Trump guy, should be this weekend...
Always A Bridesmaid... Up"Dates"
That's me... 2nd one in from the left. A fun happy bridesmaid to my beautiful talented amazing friend who got married this past fall. It was seriously a dream wedding. From the amazing 3 day weekend bachelorette Party in Leavenworth, WA to the wedding itself. Literally the type of wedding you see in the movies. A true fairytale. With that said in the last decade I have been a bridesmaid in 6 weddings and a made of honor in 1. (that I can think of off the top of my head) and set to be in at least 2 more weddings this year. And it makes me wonder why I'm always in the dress that is not white? And not just because I'm no longer a virgin... ;) shh... don't tell Santa!
What is it that I am doing or not doing to attract the man of MY dreams? And it's not like I have a problem attracting dudes. I'm a singer/songwriter so I am in the spotlight a lot and some men are really drawn to that. I'm 32 and just recently single. "There she goes again breaking up with ANOTHER boyfriend..." I can hear "them" saying... But it's true. Here I am again, breaking up with another boyfriend. Like clockwork. Is it because something is wrong with me? I've got too much baggage? Commitment-phobe? Don't know what I want? I feel like a lot of people will have their opinions... but you know what? It's just the opposite of what you might think. I am a strong independent woman (besides being one of the high percentage of millennials living at home because of crazy rent and wages not good enough... but that's another blog...). Nothing is wrong with me. Do I have baggage? Nope. I have things that have happened to me and shaped me into the awesomeness that I am today. Baggage schmaggage. Maybe I'm not for you. But you probably aren't for me either, statistically speaking. Am I afraid of commitment? Nope. Just with everyone I've ever dated before because I couldn't see a future with them. I'm so ready to lock down the guy that makes me feel like a million bucks even when I don't, who has similar life goals and views on life. And who not only accepts me for my weird obsessions with wiener dogs, but encourages me to tap into that more. There's more to him, but that's a start.
So that brings me to today. Although recently single, my heart feels open to the future possibilities for meeting my dream boat (I'll try to pretend like it wasn't the dream boat Michael Ray who serenated me on stage last night at 99.5 The Wolf's Hometown holiday show... but he's single too so ya never know? ;) ) We could be called Mallas? or Dichael? Lol. I like Dichael. We could even be Dichael Ray cause my middle name is Rae. Already a match! :P
In all honesty... my best option or at least my easiest option is online dating. It used to be so taboo. But that is far from what it is anymore. There are so many people on these sites that there's going to be good and bad but the fact that there's a chance of good is good enough for me! Plus, it increases the odds of me finding a match who also likes to go to bed early, is a little bit of a homebody and is hopefully on his couch in his sweats snuggling with his dog (who he thinks is better than humans too). Like if it's Friday night and we're both at home online looking for a lifelong snuggle buddy then we already have in common we'd rather be home than at the club. And how are you supposed to meet someone if you're not out? Ding ding ding! Online dating!
Which brings me to where I am today. I got overzealous (which I often do) when signing up for online dating. I only signed up for the Bumble app to start. For those of you who don't know what Bumble is, it's like Tinder where you swipe on someone's pictures and profile but if you match (both of you swipe right) then the woman has to make the first contact. And if she doesn't within 24 hrs the match expires and you can't message that person anymore. And same goes for the guy, if the lady messages he has 24 hrs to respond or it's over. It's an interesting app but I've found much more "success" than from Tinder. I think Tinder is so saturated with people that it's hard to choose just one.
So I've recently been on 3 dates on Bumble. Almost all back to back to back. Not in the same hour or anything. But definitely in the same week. It seems like almost every guy I talk to wants to take me out for drinks. Which honestly would be totally acceptable and a fun first date if we had met in person briefly, felt an attraction and he asked me out. Yes. Let's do it. But for something like online dating when you literally have hundreds (I kid you not) eligible men sitting in your matched pile and they all want to take you for a drink? That is so overwhelming! How do you choose! Because a lot of them are pretty good looking in their own way. Seem legit. But you never will know for sure until you actually meet them.
So a word of advice to guys, ask us out for a coffee date. I don't actually drink coffee or tea but I will totally get a hot water with lemon and honey and chat you up for 45 min-1hr to see if we want to meet for that 2nd date where I would be glad to grab a drink with you, although I would prefer to go play some ping pong, take my dog to the park, got for a hike, shoot some hoops, or any other day time activity that will show me you're more than just a guy looking to get drinks and see where it goes. Maybe that's just me? I don't want to get a drink with the 300 guys in my que. I would die from alcohol poisoning and get really fat and tired from all the extra calories. Not a good look.
Most guys I go out with I probably won't want a 2nd date with so the coffee date saves us both time, money and energy. I will say though, if you asked me on a super fun first date like floating down the river, or something too fun to pass up. Country concert, bungee jumping, etc... I might feel ballsy enough to do that with you for the first try depending on how cute you are and non-desperate you come across.
So here's a rundown of my first 3 dates:
So we started chatting. On Bumble. He was attractive. Had a great smile. Seemed like a really fun personality. Down to earth. We had really good chemistry chatting online. So he asked me out for drinks (Surprise!) And I came back with let's do coffee. So we met at RomToms. Cute little bar. Had some live music. Dim lighting. We got some tea. Sat in a corner on a couch and chatted it up. Decent first impression. No crazy sparks, but I felt like there was potential. Then we went next door to get him a slice of pizza cause he hadn't eaten yet. So we sat down in a booth and could hear each other better. Brighter lighting too. After sitting there for 30 minutes he pretty much talked about his philosophies on life trying to appear smart. Not that he wasn't, but I could just tell he was trying to show off which is a turn off. Then he proceeded to talk about how attractive he was and how moving from a small town to a larger town was hard for him because he wasn't the biggest fish in the sea anymore (boo hoo)... And then he proceeded to tell me how he got advice from one of his friends. That this could be the last time in his life that he's single. Because the goal is to meet the right girl and stick with her. So instead of searching for that girl, he was going to just enjoy being in the last moment of his singlehood and date as many women as possible... you know, because what if the next girl was the one. I mean I sort of get that philosophy... but don't agree with it. I don't want to date a bunch of dudes at once. It's really hard to juggle. lol. But I would way rather see if there was a solid connection with one guy. I get dating a few people that you have a connection with until you have probably at least 3 dates with each. But after the 3rd date you should know if you want to pursue them further or not. So needless to say I just unmatched him when I got home.
Nickname: Highly Smooth
After date number one I wasn't expecting much. Which is probably why date #2 went so well. We met at starbucks for coffee and when I showed up I noticed myself figgity. I was nervous. He was WAY cuter in person than in his pics. And he was a smooth talker. Like almost too smooth. And I found myself super sexually attracted to him. I tried to play it cool but I'm sure I was fast talking. We probably chatted in that same spot for an hr and a half. Asked each other about our families. Like good conversation. Definitely some instant chemistry there, hopefully from both sides. We laughed quite a bit and I was excited. When he hugged me goodbye he lifted me up and let me slide down his body (smooth move!)... Honestly it got me a little excited if you know what I mean! The reason I call him "Highly" smooth is because I'm pretty sure he was high when he showed up. Not the smoothest move there, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because first dates can be really nerve wracking... but it was mostly because he was cute I'm thinking. He followed up the date with a text saying "You're cute." I felt the same way and we had some flirty giddy texting for the next half hr and then decided we would see each other again that Monday. I want to say we met Tuesday or Wednesday. More follow up to come.
Nickname: Ginger Beard
We met up for coffee and had instant chemistry. I wasn't nervous at all. Was laughing, could be myself. And honestly found myself hamming it up. One might think that all of those were good signs. And for a friendship they totally were. But I wasn't as physically attracted to him as I would have hoped hence the not being nervous. But aside from the friend zone chemistry which I know could potentially lead to more... I knew it wouldn't because his philosophy was spend as much money as possible and party as much as you can right now. And that none of his friends are fun because they're married with babies.. hmm... well that's the life I actually want. So major Red flag there! Honestly that was enough for me to know I wasn't into it. He asked to follow up our date with a dinner date and I asked if we could friend zone it. He was cool with it but then kept texting me a bunch. So that was a little annoying. So we'll see if that turns into a real friendship or if it will be someone who doesn't understand boundaries. Verdict is still out.
Now there's another guy I've been chatting with who is super attractive to me based off his pictures. He's a very manly man. And a bit of a redneck (at least he loves country music!) And unfortunately is a Trump supporter (no offense to my friends who are!). But that's the thing. I have amazing friends who have different political views than me and I still cherish our friendships very much. Different when you're trying to date someone but he seemed open minded to my views and wasn't judging me, so I don't want to pre-judge him either. We flirt texted one night after I had a cocktail and it was really fun. And he has followed up and called me once every couple of days. We keep playing phone tag. But the fact that he's actually calling me is super impressive. Especially for this day and age. So I really hope to meet him for coffee soon. But man, the last week or so has been crazy for both him and I and we haven't been ale to connect. More to come there! Nickname to follow after the first date!
So to follow up with the date, "Highly smooth" There wasn't much follow up from him... Sometimes he'll text back right away. But most of the time he doesn't (Which is okay because I don't know his schedule and what not) But he texted me Saturday morning and asked how my night was. I replied and asked the question back and didn't hear back all weekend. So that felt Red Flaggy to me. So luckily his flakiness was enough for me to see through his attractiveness so by the time we had our 2nd date (a drink!)... I wasn't all that impressed by him. He showed up high again. Proceeded to tell me that he's terrible at making plans because he'd rather not make plans in case he has something better he can do and doesn't want to cancel. Super unattractive and also a red flag. If a guy is into you he will WANT to make plans with you. At least the type of guy I'm looking to lock it down with. We had one drink and I called it. He kissed me goodbye on the cheek probably 4 times in a row but I didn't want to turn to lip lock. I was kind of over it. I feel like I definitely could have a had a few more dates with him just cause I find him so attractive which is rare for me. But I just wasn't feeling his overall vibe for my life. I don't want someone who has to show up intoxicated in any way to see me. One of the most unattractive qualities. He followed up with an inviting text about wanting me to come over. But then told me he had a mediocre penis. lol. So I dodged a bullet on that one! ;)
Anyway, I figured why not start blogging about my dates! Maybe you're in the same situation as me and the struggle is real. Maybe you're a dude and want a different perspective. Or maybe you just like reading about other peoples dating lives. Either way, hope to see you back next week with some more up-"dates" ! ;)
Dallas Brown is a pop country singer song-writer livin the dream!