Always A Bridesmaid... Up"Dates"
That's me... 2nd one in from the left. A fun happy bridesmaid to my beautiful talented amazing friend who got married this past fall. It was seriously a dream wedding. From the amazing 3 day weekend bachelorette Party in Leavenworth, WA to the wedding itself. Literally the type of wedding you see in the movies. A true fairytale. With that said in the last decade I have been a bridesmaid in 6 weddings and a made of honor in 1. (that I can think of off the top of my head) and set to be in at least 2 more weddings this year. And it makes me wonder why I'm always in the dress that is not white? And not just because I'm no longer a virgin... ;) shh... don't tell Santa!
What is it that I am doing or not doing to attract the man of MY dreams? And it's not like I have a problem attracting dudes. I'm a singer/songwriter so I am in the spotlight a lot and some men are really drawn to that. I'm 32 and just recently single. "There she goes again breaking up with ANOTHER boyfriend..." I can hear "them" saying... But it's true. Here I am again, breaking up with another boyfriend. Like clockwork. Is it because something is wrong with me? I've got too much baggage? Commitment-phobe? Don't know what I want? I feel like a lot of people will have their opinions... but you know what? It's just the opposite of what you might think. I am a strong independent woman (besides being one of the high percentage of millennials living at home because of crazy rent and wages not good enough... but that's another blog...). Nothing is wrong with me. Do I have baggage? Nope. I have things that have happened to me and shaped me into the awesomeness that I am today. Baggage schmaggage. Maybe I'm not for you. But you probably aren't for me either, statistically speaking. Am I afraid of commitment? Nope. Just with everyone I've ever dated before because I couldn't see a future with them. I'm so ready to lock down the guy that makes me feel like a million bucks even when I don't, who has similar life goals and views on life. And who not only accepts me for my weird obsessions with wiener dogs, but encourages me to tap into that more. There's more to him, but that's a start.
So that brings me to today. Although recently single, my heart feels open to the future possibilities for meeting my dream boat (I'll try to pretend like it wasn't the dream boat Michael Ray who serenated me on stage last night at 99.5 The Wolf's Hometown holiday show... but he's single too so ya never know? ;) ) We could be called Mallas? or Dichael? Lol. I like Dichael. We could even be Dichael Ray cause my middle name is Rae. Already a match! :P
In all honesty... my best option or at least my easiest option is online dating. It used to be so taboo. But that is far from what it is anymore. There are so many people on these sites that there's going to be good and bad but the fact that there's a chance of good is good enough for me! Plus, it increases the odds of me finding a match who also likes to go to bed early, is a little bit of a homebody and is hopefully on his couch in his sweats snuggling with his dog (who he thinks is better than humans too). Like if it's Friday night and we're both at home online looking for a lifelong snuggle buddy then we already have in common we'd rather be home than at the club. And how are you supposed to meet someone if you're not out? Ding ding ding! Online dating!
Which brings me to where I am today. I got overzealous (which I often do) when signing up for online dating. I only signed up for the Bumble app to start. For those of you who don't know what Bumble is, it's like Tinder where you swipe on someone's pictures and profile but if you match (both of you swipe right) then the woman has to make the first contact. And if she doesn't within 24 hrs the match expires and you can't message that person anymore. And same goes for the guy, if the lady messages he has 24 hrs to respond or it's over. It's an interesting app but I've found much more "success" than from Tinder. I think Tinder is so saturated with people that it's hard to choose just one.
So I've recently been on 3 dates on Bumble. Almost all back to back to back. Not in the same hour or anything. But definitely in the same week. It seems like almost every guy I talk to wants to take me out for drinks. Which honestly would be totally acceptable and a fun first date if we had met in person briefly, felt an attraction and he asked me out. Yes. Let's do it. But for something like online dating when you literally have hundreds (I kid you not) eligible men sitting in your matched pile and they all want to take you for a drink? That is so overwhelming! How do you choose! Because a lot of them are pretty good looking in their own way. Seem legit. But you never will know for sure until you actually meet them.
So a word of advice to guys, ask us out for a coffee date. I don't actually drink coffee or tea but I will totally get a hot water with lemon and honey and chat you up for 45 min-1hr to see if we want to meet for that 2nd date where I would be glad to grab a drink with you, although I would prefer to go play some ping pong, take my dog to the park, got for a hike, shoot some hoops, or any other day time activity that will show me you're more than just a guy looking to get drinks and see where it goes. Maybe that's just me? I don't want to get a drink with the 300 guys in my que. I would die from alcohol poisoning and get really fat and tired from all the extra calories. Not a good look.
Most guys I go out with I probably won't want a 2nd date with so the coffee date saves us both time, money and energy. I will say though, if you asked me on a super fun first date like floating down the river, or something too fun to pass up. Country concert, bungee jumping, etc... I might feel ballsy enough to do that with you for the first try depending on how cute you are and non-desperate you come across.
So here's a rundown of my first 3 dates:
So we started chatting. On Bumble. He was attractive. Had a great smile. Seemed like a really fun personality. Down to earth. We had really good chemistry chatting online. So he asked me out for drinks (Surprise!) And I came back with let's do coffee. So we met at RomToms. Cute little bar. Had some live music. Dim lighting. We got some tea. Sat in a corner on a couch and chatted it up. Decent first impression. No crazy sparks, but I felt like there was potential. Then we went next door to get him a slice of pizza cause he hadn't eaten yet. So we sat down in a booth and could hear each other better. Brighter lighting too. After sitting there for 30 minutes he pretty much talked about his philosophies on life trying to appear smart. Not that he wasn't, but I could just tell he was trying to show off which is a turn off. Then he proceeded to talk about how attractive he was and how moving from a small town to a larger town was hard for him because he wasn't the biggest fish in the sea anymore (boo hoo)... And then he proceeded to tell me how he got advice from one of his friends. That this could be the last time in his life that he's single. Because the goal is to meet the right girl and stick with her. So instead of searching for that girl, he was going to just enjoy being in the last moment of his singlehood and date as many women as possible... you know, because what if the next girl was the one. I mean I sort of get that philosophy... but don't agree with it. I don't want to date a bunch of dudes at once. It's really hard to juggle. lol. But I would way rather see if there was a solid connection with one guy. I get dating a few people that you have a connection with until you have probably at least 3 dates with each. But after the 3rd date you should know if you want to pursue them further or not. So needless to say I just unmatched him when I got home.
Nickname: Highly Smooth
After date number one I wasn't expecting much. Which is probably why date #2 went so well. We met at starbucks for coffee and when I showed up I noticed myself figgity. I was nervous. He was WAY cuter in person than in his pics. And he was a smooth talker. Like almost too smooth. And I found myself super sexually attracted to him. I tried to play it cool but I'm sure I was fast talking. We probably chatted in that same spot for an hr and a half. Asked each other about our families. Like good conversation. Definitely some instant chemistry there, hopefully from both sides. We laughed quite a bit and I was excited. When he hugged me goodbye he lifted me up and let me slide down his body (smooth move!)... Honestly it got me a little excited if you know what I mean! The reason I call him "Highly" smooth is because I'm pretty sure he was high when he showed up. Not the smoothest move there, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because first dates can be really nerve wracking... but it was mostly because he was cute I'm thinking. He followed up the date with a text saying "You're cute." I felt the same way and we had some flirty giddy texting for the next half hr and then decided we would see each other again that Monday. I want to say we met Tuesday or Wednesday. More follow up to come.
Nickname: Ginger Beard
We met up for coffee and had instant chemistry. I wasn't nervous at all. Was laughing, could be myself. And honestly found myself hamming it up. One might think that all of those were good signs. And for a friendship they totally were. But I wasn't as physically attracted to him as I would have hoped hence the not being nervous. But aside from the friend zone chemistry which I know could potentially lead to more... I knew it wouldn't because his philosophy was spend as much money as possible and party as much as you can right now. And that none of his friends are fun because they're married with babies.. hmm... well that's the life I actually want. So major Red flag there! Honestly that was enough for me to know I wasn't into it. He asked to follow up our date with a dinner date and I asked if we could friend zone it. He was cool with it but then kept texting me a bunch. So that was a little annoying. So we'll see if that turns into a real friendship or if it will be someone who doesn't understand boundaries. Verdict is still out.
Now there's another guy I've been chatting with who is super attractive to me based off his pictures. He's a very manly man. And a bit of a redneck (at least he loves country music!) And unfortunately is a Trump supporter (no offense to my friends who are!). But that's the thing. I have amazing friends who have different political views than me and I still cherish our friendships very much. Different when you're trying to date someone but he seemed open minded to my views and wasn't judging me, so I don't want to pre-judge him either. We flirt texted one night after I had a cocktail and it was really fun. And he has followed up and called me once every couple of days. We keep playing phone tag. But the fact that he's actually calling me is super impressive. Especially for this day and age. So I really hope to meet him for coffee soon. But man, the last week or so has been crazy for both him and I and we haven't been ale to connect. More to come there! Nickname to follow after the first date!
So to follow up with the date, "Highly smooth" There wasn't much follow up from him... Sometimes he'll text back right away. But most of the time he doesn't (Which is okay because I don't know his schedule and what not) But he texted me Saturday morning and asked how my night was. I replied and asked the question back and didn't hear back all weekend. So that felt Red Flaggy to me. So luckily his flakiness was enough for me to see through his attractiveness so by the time we had our 2nd date (a drink!)... I wasn't all that impressed by him. He showed up high again. Proceeded to tell me that he's terrible at making plans because he'd rather not make plans in case he has something better he can do and doesn't want to cancel. Super unattractive and also a red flag. If a guy is into you he will WANT to make plans with you. At least the type of guy I'm looking to lock it down with. We had one drink and I called it. He kissed me goodbye on the cheek probably 4 times in a row but I didn't want to turn to lip lock. I was kind of over it. I feel like I definitely could have a had a few more dates with him just cause I find him so attractive which is rare for me. But I just wasn't feeling his overall vibe for my life. I don't want someone who has to show up intoxicated in any way to see me. One of the most unattractive qualities. He followed up with an inviting text about wanting me to come over. But then told me he had a mediocre penis. lol. So I dodged a bullet on that one! ;)
Anyway, I figured why not start blogging about my dates! Maybe you're in the same situation as me and the struggle is real. Maybe you're a dude and want a different perspective. Or maybe you just like reading about other peoples dating lives. Either way, hope to see you back next week with some more up-"dates" ! ;)
Dallas Brown is a pop country singer song-writer livin the dream!