Wow... So much to catch you up on since NYE. I had 2 dates with 2 dudes yesterday... but let me tell you how I got there...
I did spend the NYE evening with Silver Fox. We hung out at his place and we walked around like we had talked about. What I didn't realize is that we were walking around to bars. lol. I mean, I just went with it. I thought it was going to be a low key night. And it sort of was but more alcohol was involved than I was originally planning on. Trying to just be in the moment I went with it though. And we ended up at this one bar playing ping pong and it was really fun! He was pretty good so the games stayed competitive which is more fun IMO.
We probably left the bars by 11pm and were feeling pretty sauced. Then went back to his house where he had champagne and we toasted to the new years and had a lovely kiss! It was actually pretty wonderful. I was having a great time and he asked if I wanted to stay over. So I did. We spooned and smooched for the next few hours and then I had to be up in only a few hrs after that for my New Years Day hike so it's safe to say I got zero sleep. Totally worth it though. It felt nice to be next to someone besides my dog at night. ha ha. Although my dog IS pretty great. Not quite the same. ;)
So the New Year was looking good for me and Silver Fox. I got off Bumble not because we had the talk to be exclusive but because it felt like that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to focus my energy on him and not worry about other dudes messaging me. Unfortunately for us I had to leave on Wednesday for Nashville. I want to say on Tuesday the 2nd we met for lunch and I brought Harri and it was nice... but maybe didn't feel all romantic. Probably because it was day time and less alcohol was involved... at least for me! He definitely got himself a beer! Which, whatever I don't wanna judge. But he did give me a schpeal on New Years how his new years resolution was to give up Beer. It didn't even last 2 days. lol.
We walked around to the music shop down the street. And that was nice too. And when we were done I got a peck goodbye and I was going to be gone for a long weekend in Nashville after that.
So our first time away from each other. Not really sure what to expect. But it was weird for me because the communication between us via text was at a minimum. Which it usually is when I'm in town too, but the difference is that we see each other so it sort of makes up for it. Honestly, I just got the vibe that he's not that into me which made me get the vibe to be not that into him. Hard to say if that's the right way to feel, but I'm learning to trust my gut more.
So we planned to hang out when I got back. Monday night to watch the Bachelor. At this point it's almost been a week since we've seen each other. Which is already 1/3 of the amount of time we've actually known each other. So although it's not that long, it was a long time based on how much we'd hung out. And when I got to his house we were kind of making small talk and it was a little awkward. Trying to figure out how to be around each other. So I was breaking the silence and said, I missed seeing ya when I was gone. Literally just making small talk and trying to say something nice. And his response was, " It was ONLY 4 days.'' Really bud? I just tried to say something sweet to you and you're gonna come at me with that? You don't have to say it back, but just say, "aww. that's sweet." Or something?! NOT, " Really? How pathetic?" I mean, that's what his response felt like and I was not having it. I didn't say anything. But I was totally turned off by his response to that. So that set the tone weird for the night already.
So I was already turned off by his lack of communication with me while I was gone and then he went ahead and made me feel dumb for being nice. So it was going to be hard for him to recover. He offered me a drink while I was there and had stuff for my favorite drink at his house. Which is hot water, vodka and lemon. It was really nice and potentially intentional for him to have that. But I have had drinks with him almost every time we've hung out so I opted to only have one. I wanted to stay sober. And he continued drinking. So it was a weird dynamic being sober, having been away from him for a while and not sure how to come back into the situation. And then it was a turn off that he was drinking when I wasn't. And after the Bachelor we put on this awful movie. It was called Brothers Grimm. Super weird and not romantic at all so there was no right time in the movie to sneak a make out sesh in. We were half spooning on the couch but my neck was all crinked and I have a pinched nerve today probably because of that. Just the whole evening was awkward.
I let him know my neck was hurting and said he could rub it if he wanted. He half assed a rub (Which was also annoying because I gave him a nice neck rub the other night when he was sore)... and it just was not feeling right for me. He told me I could stay over if I wanted and that it was my call. Hmm... that's one thing that I don't do. I do not do anything unless I am invited and asked. But saying, I can if I want is not the same as asking me if I will because you want me to. So I opted to go home around 1am. I went to give him a kiss goodbye and even Harri didn't like it. He started barking at him as we kissed. And the kissed felt like the worst kiss we'd had yet. No passion to it. And the night just ended even more awkward than it started. Maybe it would have smoothed over had I stayed over, but honestly I don't want to stay over if I'm not being treated how I feel I should be treated. So it was just a big ol' disappointment that night.
The sad part about all of this, is that if he called me I still want to see him. Ugh... That's so annoying of myself. But I do find him super attractive and confident. And those are qualities I don't find in a lot of men, so it's really nice to feel that. But there was zero communication between us yesterday and zero today... so chances are he also felt what I felt Monday night. Maybe we end up ghosting each other? I'm stubborn and he probably is too. lol. To be continued... or not.
Needless to say yesterday I got on Bumble again. And I wanted to just meet people. Get my mind off Silver Fox and into perspective. See if I could test my luck and meet another amazing man on this site... If one is on there, there's got to be more right? Just have to be open to it! So I set up 2 coffee dates for the day. One at 3pm in NE Portland and one at 7pm at the Cascade Station Starbucks. Didn't leave room for small talk on the app just wanted to meet right away. That's the only way to know if there's actual chemistry.
So the first guy I meet, has amazing energy. Lived in LA and pursued acting for 8 years. Is into filmmaking. Owns his own photo booth business. Is really driven. And just a really really cool person to talk to. Like I found myself genuinely interested in all of his stories. And we had similar views on how to live life which was refreshing. Unfortunately I wasn't sure about the attraction level I had. He's much shorter than what I typically find attractive. Which I hate to say that. And I know it sucks being a shorter guy and having women not finding you as attractive but it's such a primal thing. Probably similar things that women have that men find attractive like long hair on women. I have short hair. I like my short hair. If a man prefers long hair he can see himself to the door!
We ended up chatting for like 2 hrs at the coffee shop and as we were leaving we were both still trying to finish our stories. I felt like if I don't date this guy we could totally be friends. and maybe just maybe the attraction would come later after getting to know each other. He gave me a kiss on the cheek goodbye which I felt was super sweet and appropriate. But when he texted me when I got home and told me I was cute, I didn't reply with you too! I replied with I love your passion! So maybe that's not what he wanted to hear, but it's what I genuinely felt. I don't know if he's going to call me again because it might have been obvious that I wasn't that into him... but again, I would not rule him out completely for the future. But I would definitely be his friend. I really liked him as a friend and could see myself doing fun projects with him some day!
On to date 2 of the evening. Didn't know much about him coming into the evening either. Oh yeah, and date 1 was 39. Forgot to mention that. So date 2 was my age. 32. Although he looked much older in person. Like he could have easily passed for 42. Which really isn't a bad thing based on my attraction scale. I like a little older looking man. He had a tiny bit of silver hair in there... but not too much. But again, great energy! Like I've really lucked out on the guys I've gotten to meet. All but the first dude I went on a date with have been pretty stand up guys! So ladies, go on Bumble. Good dudes out there!
So date 2 was cute. Good smile. Deep sexy manly voice. Super tall! I think he said 6'3". But he was REALLY skinny. Which unfortunately is another primal things that is a turn off. I don't want to date a fat dude, or a beefy dude, but I want to feel protected in a mans arms. Just the right amount of fat ratio. lol. So that was unfortunate for him. I feel like with the right connection some of these things can be overlooked. But it's hard to even have the right connection with those turn offs in place. At least on date one.
We chatted for a bit in the Starbucks and I could tell he wanted to do something afterwards. And honestly, I would have been okay with just the coffee. But I was also enjoying his company and conversation so I figured why not?! We walked over to this Italian restaurant I think. And we had a glass of wine and some appetizers and got to chat even more. I think the extra time with him might have not been the right move in his case. Like I felt more into him at the coffee shop than I did drinking wine. And not because he was less chatty at the 2nd place... but some of the stories he told me kind of gave me a gay vibe. Which more power to ya, but I'd prefer to date someone that I know is into women. And honestly he probably is into women, but just not masculine enough for me to be attracted to him. He loves salsa dancing. Even got up and showed me some salsa moves at the coffee shop. Told me he loved watching Best Man in Show the movie with Hugh Jackman and Zac Effron because "what more could he ask for with those two hotties." He was joking... but WAS he? And then he told me about a time he was dancing at Dukes the country line dancing bar with this dudes gf. He didn't know it. And the dude came up to him and asked him WTF... and he replied with "I was just trying to get to you, cutie." To the dude. He said that to the dude. And gently caressed his beard as he said it. He thought it was funny... but the dude did not and pushed him down. Honestly, it was just too many gay references. Like if you joke about it THAT many times on a first date, I'm afraid what will happen on the 2nd date! Oh and he also talked about how he loved shopping at Banana Republic. SO yeah... I gave him my number cause he was really nice. But I'll probably eventually have to tell him I'm not interested. I hate having to do that. But I have a weird feeling he won't mind that much. lol.
So I double dip dated yesterday. Still haven't heard from Silver Fox. And Still not into anybody too much. Online dating is hard. But I have faith! I'm putting myself out there. Sticking to my standards. And moving on if it's not working out! Gah, still sort of into Silver Fox though. Not sure why. But I'll know probably in the next week what will happen there. We'll either not have spoken or have hopefully figured it out by then.
Dallas Brown is a pop country singer song-writer livin the dream!